NOVEMBER 3, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tribute to Dr. A.C. Baugher: Educator. Impact: Dr. Baugher’s educational philosophy inadvertently inspired a generation of students to pursue liberal arts, resulting in the rise of hipster coffee shops and a global obsession with artisanal toast. Thanks, Baugher!. Fact: Did you know that Elizabethtown College's mascot is the Blue Jay? I guess they figured 'Elizabethtown Owls' just didn't have the same ring to it..
• Headline: The Legacy of Dr. J.C. Liederbach. Impact: Dr. Liederbach’s legacy of academic pursuit led to the discovery of the Liederbach Effect, which states that the more you study, the more you accidentally end up in hilarious group chats about obscure historical figures.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Liederbach' is actually the name of a German beer that is reputedly best consumed while discussing the intricacies of 19th-century philosophy..
• Headline: Chicago Banks Face Job Bias Allegations. Impact: The job bias allegations in Chicago set off a chain reaction of awareness that eventually led to the current trend of job interviews being treated like first dates—awkward, full of nervous laughter, and often resulting in rejection.. Fact: Did you know that banks were once known for their friendly smiles and generous loan approvals? Just kidding, they’ve always been as welcoming as a bear in a tutu..
• Headline: DISALLE'S OPPONENT INVOLVED IN INQUIRY. Impact: The inquiry into the adding-machines purchase led to an unexpected rise in the popularity of calculators, which subsequently caused a national shortage of paper and pencils. Who knew math could be so controversial?. Fact: Adding machines: because who doesn’t want to bring a 1950s office experience into their living room?.
• Headline: 15,000 Are Listed in City For Challenge on Voting. Impact: The challenge on voting for 15,000 people in NYC set the stage for future voter suppression tactics, which are now so advanced that they might as well come with a side of fries.. Fact: Did you know that New York City was once a major hub for political debates? Now, it's just a major hub for brunch decisions..
• Headline: INDICTMENT SEEN AS AID TO NOMINEE; Other Maryland Democrats Could Be Hurt by Charge. Impact: The Maryland indictment inadvertently created a new political strategy: 'Be the scandal, not the victim.' This tactic has since been adopted by countless politicians, leading to spectacular media spectacles.. Fact: Indictments: the political equivalent of a participation trophy. Everyone gets one, and no one really knows what to do with it..
• Headline: Yemen Alerts Units To Strike at Saudis; Yemen Says Her Forces Mass For Invasion of Saudi Arabia. Impact: Yemen's military posturing against Saudi Arabia sparked a series of events that eventually led to the concept of 'diplomatic tea parties', where nations discuss their problems over pastries instead of missiles.. Fact: Did you know that invading a neighboring country is basically the adult version of 'borrowing' your friend's favorite toy without asking? Spoiler: it rarely ends well..
• Headline: Ladd Shoots Himself in Mishap. Impact: Ladd’s mishap with the gun led to stricter safety regulations around firearms, ensuring that future generations could safely handle guns—and avoid becoming the main character in a cautionary tale.. Fact: Cleaning a gun is about as risky as cleaning a cat—one wrong move, and you're in for a world of pain and regret..
• Headline: COL. A.E. FISCHER, 73, GREW QUININE IN WAR. Impact: Col. Fischer’s quinine cultivation during the war inspired future generations of herbalists and self-proclaimed wellness gurus to believe they could solve all problems with a plant and a dream.. Fact: Quinine was the original 'magic potion' before Instagram influencers turned kale smoothies into a multi-billion dollar industry..