OCTOBER 5, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dean DeVane's Retirement Announcement. Impact: Dean DeVane's retirement led to a series of increasingly hip academic deans who thought wearing sneakers to lectures was a sign of modernity. This eventually culminated in Yale offering online courses in TikTok dances.. Fact: Did you know that DeVane was once asked to give a lecture on the history of the bow tie? He declined, claiming he was 'too busy being fabulous.'.
• Headline: Survey Reveals Recession Signs Among Buyers. Impact: The signals of recession sent shockwaves, leading to an unexpected boom in the sale of 'Get Rich Quick' books. Ironically, those books became the foundation for a new economic theory: 'The Power of Positive Spending.'. Fact: You know it's a recession when even the fortune cookies start giving you bad news..
• Headline: Kennedy Commends Marshals for Their Bravery. Impact: Kennedy's acknowledgment of these marshals sparked a movement for civil rights that echoed through time, ultimately leading to a world where people argue on Twitter about social justice instead of facing it head-on. Progress, right?. Fact: In 1960s America, discussing race was as popular as discussing the weather—except the weather didn’t get people killed..
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: The book 'We Have Always Lived in the Castle' inspired a trend of people wanting to live in actual castles, leading to a housing market crisis where every millennial believed they were a modern-day prince or princess.. Fact: In a perfect world, every book would come with a side of snacks. But alas, we still have to make do with popcorn at the movies..
• Headline: Ban is Ordered by Iraq On Edition of The Times. Impact: Banning a newspaper is like trying to hold back the ocean with a spoon. It only makes people more curious, leading to a flourishing underground market for smuggled newspapers and eventually a thriving black market for crossword puzzles.. Fact: Censorship is a lot like a bad haircut: it never really goes the way you planned..
• Headline: Small H-Blast Digs Out Crater 1,200 Feet Wide. Impact: This explosion not only made a giant hole in the ground but also triggered a series of events that led to the creation of a new sport called 'Crater Diving,' which never really caught on but was a hit at summer camps.. Fact: The crater was so big that it was rumored aliens considered it for their next vacation spot. Too bad they decided to go to Mars instead..
• Headline: Khrushchev Hails Schirra. Impact: Khrushchev's praise for Schirra was a pivotal moment in space diplomacy, which ultimately resulted in an unexpected alliance between astronauts and world leaders, who later bonded over shared fears of space snacks.. Fact: Khrushchev once thought about joining the space program but decided he was more suited to earthbound political drama. Good choice, Nikita!.
• Headline: SCHIRRA TELLING STORY OF FLIGHT; Data to Provide Basis for a Decision on 18 Orbits. Impact: Schirra's flight story inspired generations of future astronauts, leading to a reality TV show called 'Orbiting for Love' where contestants compete to see who can survive the longest in zero gravity while falling in love.. Fact: Schirra's flight was so legendary it made the moon jealous. The moon immediately increased its Instagram following..
• Headline: PRESIDENT NAMES SATELLITE BOARD; 13 to Be Temporary Heads of Communications Group President Names 13 to Direct Communications Satellite Setup. Impact: Kennedy's satellite board nominees were so diverse that they inadvertently sparked a debate on the importance of representation in space. This eventually led to the first intergalactic diversity conference in 3050.. Fact: If you think appointing a board of 13 was a tough job, imagine trying to get 13 cats to agree on anything. Now that's a real leadership challenge!.