SEPTEMBER 22, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: 150th Anniversary of War of 1812 Fete. Impact: The descendants of War of 1812 veterans gather to celebrate, inadvertently triggering a series of family reunions that leads to a nationwide obsession with ancestry. Fast forward a century, and it's why everyone is suddenly obsessed with DNA tests and finding out they're 1% Viking. Fact: 150 years later, people still can’t decide if the War of 1812 was a war or just a really intense disagreement with the British.
• Headline: PRELLER TO HEAD G.O.P. IN QUEENS; Leaders Select Chairman to Succeed Kenna. Impact: Preller’s chairmanship is the catalyst for a series of power struggles that ultimately leads to the classic political trope: the backstabbing, whispering, and dramatic exits that would make any soap opera writer proud. Fact: In Queens, political chairs are like musical chairs, but no one ever gets to sit down before the music stops!.
• Headline: STAGEHANDS SEEK INCREASE IN JOBS; Off Broadway Theaters Say Demand Is Unreasonable. Impact: The stagehands' demands lead to a revolution in theater production standards, eventually resulting in the rise of Broadway's most overqualified interns. Thanks to them, actors now have their coffee brewed to perfection before every show. Fact: The only thing more unreasonable than stagehand demands is the amount of glitter they leave behind after every production.
• Headline: 3 Acquitted of Contempt In Mississippi U. Dispute; U. S. Judge Holds College Officials Not Responsible for Barring Negro, Since All Power Was Vested in Barnett 3 AT MISSISSIPPI U. FREE OF CONTEMPT. Impact: This case, though seemingly local, sets a precedent that sparks a broader civil rights movement. Decades later, it serves as a reminder that every small act of defiance can ripple into monumental change. Fact: Contempt of court is still a thing, but it’s much less fun than it sounds—no one gets to throw shade in an actual court!.
• Headline: Educator Watchful. Impact: Dr. Stanford’s watchful eye leads to the creation of countless educational policies, some of which are so convoluted that even the most intelligent students begin to look at math as if it were a foreign language. Fact: If only Dr. Stanford had a dollar for every time he was 'watchful'—he’d probably fund a new educational initiative to teach people when to stop using 'watchful' in their reports.