SEPTEMBER 8, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: First Play by Unlikely Duo Premieres Soon. Impact: If this unlikely couple had never written their first play, the world might have never witnessed the rise of terrible community theater productions in small towns everywhere. Who knows, maybe even Shakespeare would have been relegated to the footnotes of history!. Fact: Did you know that a drama by a sales manager and a psychologist sounds like the setup for a really awkward dinner party?.
• Headline: Arthur W. Marget's Role in Economics. Impact: Arthur W. Marget's role as an ex-aide of the Federal Reserve might have inadvertently led to countless conspiracy theories about the Federal Reserve being run by a shadowy cabal of ex-aides. Thanks a lot, Arthur!. Fact: Isn't it comforting to know that even the most boring bureaucrats can find a way to become part of the great American mystery?.
• Headline: Isak Dinesen Passes Away at 77. Impact: Isak Dinesen's death left a void in the literary world that might have been filled by a surge of mediocre Gothic fan fiction. Thank goodness for the Internet, right?. Fact: Did you know that Dinesen's stories were so romantic that even her characters would probably ghost their dates?.
• Headline: SCHOOL IN JERSEY BOYCOTTED 3D DAY; 300 Negroes in Englewood Segregation Protest. Impact: This protest may have inspired future movements, proving that sometimes a group of determined individuals can change the world, or at least force a school board to rethink their plans. The butterfly flaps its wings, and voila, change happens!. Fact: Did you know that in Englewood, 'segregation protest' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's have a really awkward conversation about race'?.
• Headline: Rep. Saund of California Campaigns From Hospital. Impact: Rep. Saund campaigning from a hospital bed might have set the precedent for future politicians to run their campaigns from even more bizarre locations—think 'Campaigning from a Treehouse' or 'Running from a Hot Air Balloon.'. Fact: Did you know that some politicians would campaign from the depths of a swamp if it meant getting more votes?.
• Headline: Store Union Hears Wagner Urge Higher Minimum Pay. Impact: The union's call for higher minimum pay might have sparked a series of negotiations that ultimately led to the creation of the phrase 'living wage,' which is still debated in coffee shops across America to this day.. Fact: Did you know that 'higher minimum pay' is just union slang for 'we want to be able to afford avocado toast'?.
• Headline: GEORGE HOPKINSON, ARCHITECT, WAS 79. Impact: George Hopkinson's architectural legacy may have inspired a future generation of architects to create buildings so ugly that even their shadows are embarrassed. Thank you for that, George.. Fact: Did you know that at 79, George probably knew more about architectural disasters than most people know about the Kardashians?.
• Headline: Results of the Voting in the City Primary Election. Impact: The results of this city primary election may have led to the classic political adage that 'the only thing worse than losing is winning and still being stuck in the same boring political cycle.'. Fact: Did you know that 'renominated' is just political jargon for 'let’s do this again, but with less enthusiasm'?.
• Headline: Soblen Still in Coma; Wife Flies to Him; SOBLEN IN COMA; WIFE VISITS HIM. Impact: Soblen's coma may have inadvertently inspired countless soap opera plots, leading to a thriving industry of melodrama that has kept viewers wondering if their loved ones might be just one coma away from a dramatic recovery.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of soap operas, being in a coma is just another way of saying 'I need a vacation from this plot'?.