AUGUST 18, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Testing of Cut-Up Ducks in New York. Impact: The testing of cut-up ducks led to an unexpected obsession with duck-based cuisine across the globe. Fast forward a few decades, and we have a duck confit renaissance that sparked the great ‘Duck Wars’ of the 2020s.. Fact: Did you know that cut-up ducks have been known to cause more existential crises than your average mid-life crisis? It’s true, just ask any chef!.
• Headline: Jury Trial Delays Addressed in NY Counties. Impact: The delays in jury trials led to an increase in Netflix subscriptions as more people had to find ways to cope with the waiting. The rise of true crime documentaries can be traced back to these very delays, as the public yearned for a little more drama in their lives.. Fact: Fun fact: If you stacked all the pending civil cases in New York, they would reach the height of a very tall stack of legal textbooks that no one actually wants to read..
• Headline: Joseph Heidt, Prominent Press Agent Passes Away. Impact: The death of Joseph Heidt, a press agent for many shows, triggered a series of unfortunate events that led to the rise of reality TV as the 'in' form of entertainment. Who knew one man's demise could pave the way for people to eat bugs on camera?. Fact: Heidt publicized over 150 shows; imagine how many bad puns he had to endure in the process. Truly a martyr of the stage!.
• Headline: Foreign Affairs; Prospects of Reform in NATO. Impact: The prospects of reform in NATO led to endless debates about military strategies, inadvertently creating a new breed of armchair generals who think they can run a country better than actual leaders. Spoiler: they can’t.. Fact: Did you know that NATO stands for ‘Not Another Talks Organization’? Because that’s basically what they do..
• Headline: DONALD A. SHAW. Impact: Donald A. Shaw’s name being in the headlines reminds us that the universe has a way of ensuring that the most mundane people still get their 15 minutes of fame. Who’s next, the office stapler?. Fact: Just like Donald A. Shaw, many names are destined to be forgotten, much like that last piece of pizza in the fridge that no one wants..
• Headline: TAX AGENT IS HELD; EXTORTION CHARGED. Impact: The tax agent extortion case led to a nationwide increase in people suddenly finding a newfound interest in tax law, sparking a series of ‘How to Be a Tax Hero’ seminars. Spoiler: they didn’t go well.. Fact: Did you know that extorting money from someone is illegal? Shocking, right? Who knew?.
• Headline: NEW L.I. CLAM BED OPENED TO HARVEST. Impact: Opening a new clam bed for harvest led to an explosion of clam chowder recipes, which ultimately caused a clam shortage and a rise in clam smuggling rings. Who would have thought clams could be so… popular?. Fact: Clams can actually live up to 500 years. So, if you’re eating clam chowder, it could be an ancient delicacy. Bon appétit!.
• Headline: Article 3 -- No Title. Impact: The beating of integrationists at a roller skating rink sparked a social media movement decades later, where people began to roller skate for social justice. The irony is so thick you could spread it on toast.. Fact: Roller skating is the only sport where you can simultaneously show off your moves and avoid a serious injury. Just ask the integrationists!.
• Headline: Woman Dies on L.I. at 101. Impact: The death of Mrs. Morris Hodkin at 101 led to a renewed focus on longevity research, inadvertently kickstarting the 'Age Like Fine Wine' movement, which suggested that aging gracefully is the new black.. Fact: At 101 years old, Mrs. Hodkin was likely older than the average user of social media. Now that’s a feat!.
• Headline: Kroger Union Loses Round. Impact: The Kroger Union losing its round against the NLRB examiner set off a chain reaction of union re-evaluations, which eventually led to the creation of a new food fight league to deal with grievances in a more ‘hands-on’ fashion.. Fact: Did you know that unions are like broccoli? Everyone knows they’re good for you, but no one wants to deal with the mess of them!.