AUGUST 12, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: National Airliner Museum Proposal Announced. Impact: Had this museum opened earlier, commercial air travel might have been recognized as a historic art form, leading to a new wave of 'sky art' enthusiasts. Just imagine people bidding for vintage airline peanuts at auction!. Fact: Airlines might have flown their planes straight to the museum instead of the junkyard if they knew how much people love looking at things they can’t afford..
• Headline: Moss to Represent U.S. at Festival. Impact: Sen. Moss's performance could have inspired a new genre of political music, leading to a series of hit 'political pop' songs that would ultimately drown out all serious discourse. Who knew democracy could have a catchy beat?. Fact: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir has been belting out tunes since 1847. It’s the original 'American Idol' but with less drama and more hymns..
• Headline: Record Customs Income at New York Port. Impact: This record-breaking customs income prompted the government to consider taxing air and dreams, just to keep the trend going. Who wouldn’t want to pay a fee for that sweet, sweet dream of an untaxed future?. Fact: New York's customs collections were so high, they briefly considered using the funds to build a wall of cash instead of a wall on the border..
• Headline: ELISHA HANSON, PUBLISHERS' AIDE; Ex-Counsel for A.N.P.A. Dies in Washington Defended Press Freedom. Impact: The loss of Elisha Hanson sent shockwaves through the publishing industry, leading to a sudden spike in press freedom awareness that inspired countless journalists to write about dogs and cats instead of hard news… for a short while.. Fact: Hanson’s efforts in defending press freedom helped pave the way for the phrase 'fake news' to exist, proving that even the best intentions can have unintended consequences..
• Headline: Conflict Grows in Mexican State Over Taxes, Funds and Service; Citizens' Group in Morelos Plans Wave of Strikes to Effect Reforms. Impact: The uprising in Morelos sparked a nationwide trend where citizens learned that striking was a great way to get a vacation from work—leading to a surge in strike tourism.. Fact: Residents of Morelos literally raised their taxes to the next level, proving that sometimes, fiscal responsibility really does lead to fiscal insanity..
• Headline: Assistant to President Named at St. John's. Impact: Dr. Opulente's appointment gave rise to the theory that anyone with the right title could eventually run for president, spawning a new trend of 'Assistant Presidents' who only showed up for photo ops and coffee runs.. Fact: If you think being an assistant is easy, try making decisions for someone who doesn’t ask for your opinion. It’s like being a shadow, but with a fancier title..
• Headline: Companies Employ Fixtures and Lamps for Better Image; Lighting, Once Just a Utility, Sets Mood and Creates Effect. Impact: This trend led to a bizarre reality where companies started hiring mood lighting consultants, causing an increase in job openings that required more creativity than the actual products they sold.. Fact: Some companies got so carried away with lighting that they accidentally created a disco atmosphere in their offices, turning board meetings into dance-offs..
• Headline: A Life Devoted to Modifying Freud. Impact: Franz Alexander’s work on Freud led to a psychological revolution that made couch therapy so fashionable that even pets started visiting therapists, leading to a boom in animal psychology.. Fact: Freud might have been shocked to hear that his theories on the unconscious mind eventually led to people blaming their bad decisions on their childhood teddy bears..