AUGUST 2, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senate Inquiry Reveals Chromite Contract Profits. Impact: The 1,000% profit on a low-grade ore stockpile led to a national obsession with 'worthless' investments. Fast forward a few decades, and we're investing in beanie babies and NFTs like they're the next gold rush.. Fact: In related news, Amer Chrome Co's stockpile was so low-grade that even raccoons wouldn’t dig through it for shiny objects..
• Headline: Senate Approves Major Nuclear Power Plant. Impact: The approval of the biggest nuclear plant sparked a competition of who could build the largest energy plant. This rivalry eventually led to a reality TV show called 'Nuclear Family Brawl'.. Fact: Fun fact: If you ever wondered what a nuclear reactor smells like, just imagine a combination of burnt toast and a really bad idea..
• Headline: Conservatives Nominate L.I. Man for State Post. Impact: The Conservative nomination of a professor to a state post paved the way for a future where academia and politics would collide, resulting in more lectures than laws.. Fact: Prof Carbonara may be the only man in history whose name sounds more like an Italian dish than a political candidate..
• Headline: Bomb in San Salvador Building. Impact: The bombing in San Salvador escalated tensions and led to a decades-long conflict that made everyone involved experts in 'how to avoid making things worse'.. Fact: Did you know that the National Palace in San Salvador was once a peaceful building? Well, that was until it had a flavor for chaos..
• Headline: Couturiers Put Artists In Dilemma. Impact: The dilemma faced by couturiers over artists foreshadowed the never-ending battle between fashion and function, resulting in the rise of sweatpants as a legitimate form of high fashion.. Fact: Picture articles on Paris fall styles? You mean, the same styles that will be laughed at in five years? Fashion really is a circle of life… but with more sequins..
• Headline: India Seeks U. S. Atomic Plant; Discord Over Controls Is Snag; India Seeks U. S. Atomic Plant; Discord Over Controls Is Snag. Impact: India's quest for a U.S. atomic plant set the stage for future negotiations where countries would barter over nuclear technology like it was a rare Pokémon card.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more complicated than international nuclear agreements is explaining to your parents why you still don’t have a stable job..
• Headline: Indonesia Buys U.N. Bond. Impact: Indonesia buying a U.N. bond was the start of a trend where countries would start investing in bonds instead of actual infrastructure, leading to a global economy built on paper promises.. Fact: You know you're in trouble when your biggest investment is a piece of paper that says, 'Trust us!'.
• Headline: Tennessee Williams May Desert 'Southern Belles' for Mysticism. Impact: Tennessee Williams's shift from writing about Southern belles to mysticism resulted in a movement where playwrights would suddenly think they were philosophers. Spoiler alert: they weren't.. Fact: When asked about his change of heart, Williams replied, 'I just felt it was time to take my characters to a whole new level of existential dread.'.