JULY 18, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Science Nominee Cleared for Vote. Impact: This seemingly mundane approval led to the eventual creation of a device that would change the course of history: the self-replenishing coffee mug. Scientists everywhere celebrated by never having to leave their desks again. Fact: Did you know that this nominee was so qualified they could probably teach a rock how to do calculus? Yet, here they are, just waiting for Senate approval like it’s a formality.
• Headline: AEP Breaks Profit Record in June. Impact: This record-breaking profit led the executives to believe they could charge people for the very air they breathe. Spoiler alert: they tried, and it didn't go over well. Fact: Did you know that while they were raking in profits, most Americans were still trying to figure out how to pay their last electric bill? Ah, the magic of capitalism.
• Headline: Byrd Expedition Medals Approved by House. Impact: The approval of these medals eventually led to a medal inflation crisis, where everyone started getting medals for just showing up. Participation trophies, anyone?. Fact: Did you know that the Byrd expedition was so well-regarded that even the penguins sent them thank-you notes? Apparently, they really appreciated the company.
• Headline: More Disaster Areas Are Designated as Drought in Northeast Persists; 14 More Counties Designated as Disaster Areas. Impact: This designation sparked a series of emergency meetings that would ultimately lead to the invention of 'water-saving' methods like showering with a friend. Because nothing says friendship like sharing your shampoo. Fact: Droughts can lead to serious consequences, including the loss of crops and economic hardship. Nature’s way of reminding us that it can be a real jerk sometimes.
• Headline: Crosstown Bus Line Proposed at 106th St.. Impact: This proposal kicked off a chain reaction of urban planning debates, leading to the eventual construction of that one bus line that always arrives late. Thanks for nothing, Dudley and Patterson. Fact: Did you know that public transit planning is the only profession where people actively debate about routes as if they were discussing world peace? Oh, the irony.
• Headline: PRESIDENT WARNS SOVIET ON BERLIN; CALLS IN DOBRYNIN; Tells Russian Ambassador a Withdrawal of Western Forces Is Not Negotiable CAUTIONS ON ILLUSIONS Emphasizes Need to Control Controversy U.S. Plane Is Harassed by Jet. Impact: This stern warning escalated tensions and led to decades of Cold War antics, including nuclear drills that scared schoolchildren and made duck-and-cover a household phrase. Fact: The Berlin Wall didn't just divide a city; it also divided families, friends, and the collective sanity of the world during the Cold War. Quite the party trick, huh?.
• Headline: Army in Peru Bars Pact on Presidency; PERU'S ARMY BARS PRESIDENCY PACT. Impact: This military intervention led to a series of power struggles that would eventually result in the classic game of 'musical chairs'—but with tanks instead of chairs. Fact: Peru's political landscape has been more unstable than a toddler on roller skates. You never know when a coup might be just around the corner!.
• Headline: Celebrezze Chats With President at White House. Impact: This casual chat led to a series of misguided policies that might as well have been written on a napkin. You can bet they were more memorable than this meeting. Fact: Did you know that many important decisions happen in the Oval Office? But let's be real, the best conversations probably happen over pizza in the break room.
• Headline: Shakespeare in Park Draws Lines of Patrons; Queues Formed at 5 P.M. for 2,249 Free Seats Yet 2,000 Are often Turned Away. Impact: The overwhelming popularity of this event led to the rise of outdoor theatre, giving birth to countless hipster interpretations of Shakespeare that no one asked for. Fact: Free Shakespeare is the only thing that can make people wait in line for hours, proving once again that suffering is a key ingredient in appreciating art.