JULY 6, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tigers Featured in All-Star Game. Impact: Bunning's All-Star Game start led to a series of events where baseball became a metaphor for national unity. Years later, the All-Star Game became the backdrop for peace talks between rival factions—because nothing says 'let's compromise' like a home run. Fact: Did you know that the All-Star Game is the only time fans can truly believe their team is the best? Because it’s not like they can actually win the World Series every year, right?.
• Headline: Kennedy Orders Indiana Port Study. Impact: The meticulous study of the Indiana Port set off a chain reaction of bureaucratic red tape that would eventually lead to the establishment of an entire department dedicated to studying why nothing ever gets done. Thank you, Pres Kennedy. Fact: Did you know that studying a port is a lot like watching paint dry? At least the paint might eventually get bored enough to do something.
• Headline: Jersey Pier Strike Ban Extended. Impact: The continuing ban on the pier strike showed the world that sometimes, the best way to deal with labor issues is to just ignore them until they go away. Spoiler alert: they never do. Fact: Did you know that the only thing longer than a pier strike is the list of reasons why it’s happening? Good luck with that injunction!.
• Headline: Bronx Insurgents Near Decision on Healey Foe; Background of Candidates. Impact: The Bronx insurgents' decision-making process led to a series of increasingly bizarre candidate backgrounds, culminating in a future where political career paths included 'Reality TV Star' and 'Influencer'—because who needs qualifications anyway?. Fact: Did you know that in politics, 'insurgent' is just a fancy way of saying 'too ambitious for their own good'?.
• Headline: Atlanta School Integration Challenged as Inadequate. Impact: The NAACP's challenges to Atlanta's school integration were the seeds for future civil rights movements, eventually leading to the realization that separate but equal was as ridiculous as expecting people to agree on pineapple on pizza. Fact: Did you know the phrase 'separate but equal' was just a fancy way of saying 'let’s pretend we’re not racists while being totally racist'?.
• Headline: Private Plant for Reprocessing Of Atomic Fuel Planned Upstate; State Grants Option for Site of $22-Million Facility Aid to Economy Seen. Impact: The planning of the atomic fuel reprocessing plant sparked a national debate on nuclear energy that would last decades and lead to a new generation of nuclear watchdogs—who, ironically, were more interested in their social media presence than actual safety. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more radioactive than atomic fuel is the political fallout from discussing it?.
• Headline: CAPITAL PROPOSES PARTY PLAN HERE; 'Another Lehman' Can Rout Rockefeller, Leaders Say. Impact: The proposal for a party plan in NYC sent shockwaves through political circles, creating an ongoing saga of party-switching that would make even a soap opera writer's head spin. Who knew politics could be so dramatic?. Fact: Did you know that political parties are like high school cliques? Once you leave, they’ll talk about you behind your back.
• Headline: $50,000 Bail Set for Traveler Carrying $247,400 on Plane. Impact: The traveler carrying an absurd amount of cash set off future debates about airline security and money laundering, proving that sometimes, the most dangerous things aren't bombs, but rather the sheer stupidity of people. Fact: Did you know that if you carry more cash than a small country's GDP on a plane, you're basically just asking for a 'please search me' sign?.
• Headline: ARMY HEADS WARN ALGERIAN REGIME; Officers in Rabat Threaten Force Unless Council Is Called to Set New Rule. Impact: The threats to the Algerian regime by army heads resulted in a series of coups that would inspire future military leaders around the world to think that overthrowing governments was just a weekend hobby. Fact: Did you know that military coups are like bad reality shows—everyone's fighting for the spotlight, and nobody really knows what they're doing?.
• Headline: WISDOM OF THE PAST HELD PERILOUS NOW. Impact: Dr. Chisholm's warning about the perils of obsolete behavior patterns led to an era of self-help books, where everyone suddenly became an expert on how to ignore their problems with 'ancient wisdom.'. Fact: Did you know that the 'wisdom of the past' often includes advice like 'don’t get eaten by bears'? Because that’s a timeless lesson, right?.