MAY 3, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Titov and Glenn Visit Kennedy in Washington. Impact: As Titov and Glenn met Kennedy, they inadvertently inspired a surge in space-themed parties across the nation. Today, we celebrate these cultural phenomena with more 'space cake' than actual scientific progress. Thanks, guys!. Fact: Did you know that the first space cake was actually just a poorly made moon pie? It was a hit until someone realized it didn't actually float..
• Headline: Delays in New York Tax Returns Spark Concern. Impact: The procrastination of New Yorkers on their tax returns set off a chain reaction that eventually led to the development of motivational posters saying 'Don't be like New Yorkers – File Your Taxes!' They still didn’t work.. Fact: Did you know that tax season is the only time of year when New Yorkers and New Jerseyans unite in mutual disdain for each other? Truly, a bonding experience..
• Headline: PRESIDENT IS HOST AT DIPLOMATS' FETE. Impact: This diplomatic soirée marked the beginning of more extravagant presidential parties, leading to the bizarre tradition of themed White House parties. Who knew they’d be serving 'International Cuisine Night' next to 'American BBQ Day'?. Fact: Did you know that historically, these diplomatic parties have included some awkward moments? Like when a diplomat mistook the punch for the latest foreign policy document..
• Headline: KENNEDY WINS TEST ON RADIO SATELLITES. Impact: Kennedy's win on radio satellites led to a future where everyone thinks they can broadcast their opinions into the void. Spoiler alert: The void does not care.. Fact: Did you know that prior to satellite communication, people used smoke signals to convey important information? And even then, the message was often lost in translation..
• Headline: Benfica Tops Real Madrid, 5-3, To Keep European Soccer Cup. Impact: This epic soccer match paved the way for a future of exaggerated sports commentary and made fans everywhere believe they could also perform acrobatic feats on the field. Spoiler: They can't.. Fact: Did you know that soccer players often practice their dramatic falls more than their actual kicks? It's called 'the art of the dive'..
• Headline: Army Secretary Resigns To Be Head of Indiana U.; Stahr to Leave Post on June 30--Top Aide, Ailes, May Get Job STAHR QUITS ARMY TO HEAD COLLEGE. Impact: Stahr's resignation sparked a trend of military leaders seeking quieter lives in academia, leading to a future where more generals are found discussing Shakespeare than strategy. The battlefield of the mind, indeed!. Fact: Did you know that some military generals actually thought teaching Shakespeare would prepare them for real battles? It didn’t quite work out as planned..