MARCH 19, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Temporary Military Courts in Algeria. Impact: If military courts hadn't been established in Algeria, who knows? Maybe France would have sent in a marching band instead of judges, leading to a world where judicial decisions are made by drumrolls and confetti.. Fact: Military courts are just like regular courts, but with more camouflage and less due process. Who knew justice could be so trendy?.
• Headline: French-Algerian Truce Accord Summary. Impact: This truce accord could have set off a chain reaction that led to the invention of the peace treaty, which is still a work in progress, considering how often they're broken. Thanks, historical figures!. Fact: Self-determination guarantees are like promises made by politicians: great in theory, but often broken faster than a New Year's resolution..
• Headline: Ben Khedda's Cease-Fire Speech Analysis. Impact: Ben Khedda's remarks could have led to a whole new genre of political speeches: ‘The Truce is a Lie’ – a bestseller in the world of revolutionary literature.. Fact: Political leaders often make statements that age like milk; this one might just curdle overnight in the face of rightist threats..
• Headline: Sahara Promises to Transform Backward Economy of Algeria; Natural Gas of Desert Is More Likely to Benefit Poverty-Stricken Rural Moslems Than Agrarian Reform A Psychological Issue Cooperation Expected. Impact: If the Sahara hadn’t promised to transform the Algerian economy, we might have been stuck with a desert filled with nothing but sand and existential despair.. Fact: Natural gas is just like regular gas, but it doesn’t require a trip to the pump. Who knew the desert was hiding economic opportunities all along?.
• Headline: FILIPINOS ADVANCE IN DAVIS CUP TENNIS. Impact: The Filipino advance in the Davis Cup could have sparked a worldwide tennis revolution, leading to a future where all disputes are settled by doubles matches.. Fact: Winning the national doubles championship means you can officially call yourself 'the best at sharing'—a skill that may or may not translate to actual life..
• Headline: SIT-IN CASES MEET HIGH COURT DELAY; Grave Constitutional Issues Believed Stalling Action Issue of Trespass A Form of Expression. Impact: The delayed Supreme Court action could have inspired a new trend in procrastination, leading to a generation of lawyers who take their sweet time with everything.. Fact: The U.S. Supreme Court operates on a timeline that can make a sloth look like it's sprinting. Justice is clearly not in a hurry!.
• Headline: Paris' African Empire Has All but Vanished. Impact: The end of France's African Empire might have sparked a global trend of colonial hangover parties, where nations celebrate their newfound independence with cake and confetti.. Fact: When you lose an empire, you might as well throw a farewell party. Just make sure it doesn't involve any former colonies showing up uninvited..
• Headline: Voting Is Light as Colombians Elect Congress; Pro-Government Liberals Are Believed Favored Outcome to Help Determine Presidential Successor. Impact: Light voting in Colombia could have set a precedent for future elections where the winning strategy is to simply not show up—because why bother?. Fact: Low voter turnout is a lot like a diet; everyone talks about it, but few actually commit..
• Headline: 40 IN SCARSDALE PICKET CONCERT; Hit 'Communist Influences' as Freedom Riders Benefit Fills School Auditorium Statement in Handout Plaintiff Outside School. Impact: The Scarsdale concert picket could have inspired a new form of protest: concert-goers waving picket signs instead of lighters.. Fact: Picketing a concert is like saying, 'I love this music, but I also have some serious issues with its political implications.' Talk about mixed messages!.