MARCH 16, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tribute to Sculptor Roger Noble Burnham. Impact: Roger's passing led to a massive spike in the population of aspiring sculptors who suddenly decided to pick up chiseling, leading to a world filled with questionable statues of cats and pigeons. Fact: Did you know that if you stack all of Burnham's sculptures, they would probably reach the height of a disgruntled artist's ego?.
• Headline: Roosevelt Head President to Step Down. Impact: Roosevelt's retirement set off a series of events that led to a nationwide search for someone else to ignore the nation's problems, resulting in a long line of 'consultants' named 'Steve.'. Fact: Fun fact: Retiring politicians often find themselves in a dark void where their only companions are the ghosts of unfulfilled promises.
• Headline: The Life of George Clementson. Impact: George Clementson's emergence on the scene sparked a minor revolution in the world of names, leading to more people wondering why they don't also have a 'C' name. Fact: Did you know that George's name is a perfect example of how sometimes, being utterly nondescript can be a form of art?.
• Headline: MRS. FRANK B. ROWELL. Impact: Mrs. Frank B. Rowell's mention in history solidified the idea that women were always defined by their husbands, inadvertently inspiring a feminist movement that would take decades to bloom. Fact: Spoiler alert: Mrs. Rowell was probably just as interesting as Frank, but history tends to ignore that little detail.
• Headline: Soviet Increasing Flights In Air Corridors to Berlin; No Incidents Reported British Display Foil RUSSIANS EXPAND CORRIDOR FLIGHTS. Impact: The increase in Soviet flights inadvertently led to the creation of the world's first extreme sport—air corridor dodging—where civilians would try to avoid being caught in military crossfire. Fact: Fun fact: The British aluminum foil was not just for radar interference; it was also an early attempt at creating the ultimate hat for conspiracy theorists.
• Headline: 3-LEADER PLAN DROPPED; Queens Democrats to Choose One Successor to Koehler. Impact: The decision to drop the three-leader plan sparked a massive increase in political infighting, eventually leading to the invention of the phrase 'too many cooks spoil the broth' becoming the unofficial motto of local government. Fact: Did you know that the number of leaders doesn't really matter as long as there's a good buffet involved during meetings?.
• Headline: ALGIERS RIGHTISTS KILL 6 EDUCATORS; 'Execute' 3 Moslems and 3 Frenchmen Evian Parley Settles Military Issues Commuters Shot Down School Head Among Victims ALGIERS RIGHTISTS SLAY 6 EDUCATORS. Impact: This horrific event underscored the volatility of political tensions in Algeria and ultimately contributed to a cycle of violence that created a generation questioning the value of education. Fact: Tragically, history shows us that when education is targeted, society pays the price—a lesson that seems to repeat itself far too often.