MARCH 3, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: Loyola's Ace Triumphs at NY K of C Games. Impact: The speedy performance of T O'Hara sparked an international obsession with mile races, leading to the invention of the 'running shoe'—a development that, ironically, also led to more people getting injured while trying to run fast. Thanks, T O'Hara!. Fact: Did you know that in 1956, the world record for the mile was actually considered a solid excuse to skip family dinners? 'Sorry, Mom, I can't come, I'm too busy breaking records!'.
• Headline: Buttons Seeks Legal Separation. Impact: The separation of Buttons led to a wave of lawsuits among fictional characters, eventually resulting in a full-blown legal system for cartoons, where Tom and Jerry became renowned litigators.. Fact: Did you know that this separation case inspired a renowned animated series where characters constantly argue over who gets custody of the last slice of pizza?.
• Headline: Walter Kiesling: A Legacy in Football Coaching. Impact: Walter Kiesling's coaching strategies inspired a whole new generation of coaches, who, instead of leading their teams, just Googled 'How to Coach 101' and printed out the results.. Fact: Did you know that Walter Kiesling once tried to invent a football that could also double as a flotation device? Talk about multi-tasking!.
• Headline: 3 ROCKETS ARE FIRED OFF WALLOPS ISLAND. Impact: The rocket launches from Wallops Island accidentally triggered the first wave of interest in space tourism, paving the way for every rich person thinking they could just hop on a rocket for brunch in orbit.. Fact: Did you know that NASA's initial idea was to send a rocket to the moon to check for cheese? Spoiler alert: they found none..
• Headline: Lucas, Again Player of Year, On All-America Five 3d Time. Impact: Lucas’ repeated wins led to a phenomenon where college players began wearing capes, proclaiming themselves 'Superstars,' which did wonders for their self-esteem and absolutely nothing for their on-court performance.. Fact: Did you know that being named Player of the Year three times means you get a special trophy that doubles as a doorstop?.
• Headline: WILDER TO RELAX IN DESERT 2 YEARS; Dramatist, in Frankfurt for 'Alcestiad,' Reveals Plans. Impact: Wilder's decision to relax in the desert led to the creation of the first 'writer's retreat.' This retreat, however, was mainly just an excuse for people to take naps in the sun.. Fact: Did you know that Wilder's 'relaxation' involved him spending hours arguing with desert cacti about plot points?.
• Headline: Miss Wright Wins U.S. Title. Impact: Miss Wright's victory inspired a whole new generation of women athletes, who decided that if they could win titles, they could also win at life, setting the stage for future competitions like 'Who Can Do It All?'. Fact: Did you know that Miss Wright's secret training regimen involved extensive practice running away from people asking her to bake cookies?.
• Headline: NEW DRUG REPORTED TO AID HYPERTENSION. Impact: The report on Alpha-Methyl DOPA inadvertently led to a decade-long obsession with finding a 'magic pill' for everything, resulting in the most bizarre concoctions ever marketed, including one that claimed to cure procrastination.. Fact: Did you know that before this drug, the best hypertension advice was simply to avoid your in-laws? Seems like a solid plan!.
• Headline: DEMOCRATS HERE NAME COSTIKYAN AS COUNTY CHIEF; Lawyer, With Tacit Support of Mayor, Defeats Reform Faction's Candidate DEMOCRATS HERE NAME COSTIKYAN. Impact: Costikyan's election as county chief set off a chain reaction of political maneuvering that led to the creation of a reality TV series called 'Real Politicians of County X,' which was shockingly similar to actual reality.. Fact: Did you know that the highlight of Costikyan's campaign was a debate where he promised to 'fix everything' while wearing a Hawaiian shirt? Spoiler: nothing got fixed..