FEBRUARY 28, 1962

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Downtown Traffic Flow Changes Announced. Impact: The new traffic flow led to a surge in pedestrian fatalities, which in turn caused the invention of the 'traffic light' to avoid more chaos. Without that, we might have all been riding horses to work.. Fact: In 2023, people still complain about traffic jams caused by new road systems. Some things never change!.
• Headline: Kennedy's Decision on Glenn's Mission. Impact: The discussion of propaganda back in the day gave rise to an entire industry dedicated to creating catchy slogans that distract from actual policy. Fast forward, and you have social media influencers.. Fact: The original slogan 'Make America Great Again' was just a placeholder until they found something catchier. Spoiler: they never did..
• Headline: IRT Upgrades: $700K Contract Announcement. Impact: This investment resulted in the IRT becoming the lifeblood of New York City, allowing people to complain about the subway instead of traffic. A true win-win!. Fact: In 2023, $700,000 would barely cover a single station's coffee budget for a month. Inflation is a real joy..
• Headline: RUBIN DENIES PLAN TO DROP MERIT TEST. Impact: Rubin's denial led to the preservation of merit-based hiring, which inadvertently resulted in an entire generation of underqualified workers who then invented the term 'workplace culture.'. Fact: Merit tests have been replaced with personality quizzes—because who needs actual skills when you can look great on paper?.
• Headline: AIR USED AS CONVEYOR; New System Called Capable of Floating Heavy Objects. Impact: This air conveyor system sparked the idea for hoverboards, which in turn led to endless debates about safety regulations in the future. Thanks, air!. Fact: The air conveyor is now used primarily for transporting pizza. Because who wants to get up for a snack?.
• Headline: PRESIDENT CURBS ADVISORY GROUPS; Extends His Order Aimed at Conflicts of Interest Definitions Given Against Reappointment. Impact: By curbing advisory groups, the President inadvertently created a vacuum filled with lobbyists, leading to the birth of the phrase 'it's not what you know, it's who you know.' Welcome to politics!. Fact: In the modern era, advisory groups are just called 'friends with benefits.'.