NOVEMBER 13, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kennedy Congratulates King Saud's Anniversary. Impact: This seemingly innocuous congratulatory note led to a friendship that would make the plot of a spy novel seem dull. If Kennedy hadn't done this, perhaps the Saudis wouldn't have felt so chummy with the U.S., leading to a butterfly effect where future oil prices would remain stable, and we might have avoided those awkward 'we're friends but also need your oil' conversations. Fact: Did you know that the U.S.-Saudi relationship has been compared to a bad marriage? Lots of ups and downs, but they just can't seem to break up!.
• Headline: Gen. Park Survives Chicago Auto Collision. Impact: Had General Park been injured, it’s possible the Chicago crash would have sparked a series of military coups across the globe, leading to a reality where Chicago-style deep dish pizza became the primary currency in geopolitical negotiations. Fact: Chicago is known for many things, but apparently, avoiding car crashes isn't one of them. Maybe they should stick to pizza!.
• Headline: New Trustee Elected at Seamen's Bank. Impact: This election was the beginning of a long line of questionable banking decisions that eventually led to the rise of an entire generation of financial experts who thought investing in Beanie Babies was a solid strategy. Fact: Seamen’s Bank? Sounds like the perfect place for a pirate to stash his treasure – if only they accepted gold doubloons!.
• Headline: ECUADORANS URGE SPEEDY REFORMS; 4-Day-Old Regime Pressed for Cuts in Living Costs. Impact: The pressure from students and labor groups led to a government reform that eventually spiraled into a series of similar uprisings, creating a global trend where every young person suddenly thought they had the power to change the world. Thanks for that, Ecuador!. Fact: Ecuador’s history is like a soap opera, full of drama, plot twists, and way too many characters you wish would just go away.
• Headline: Vote Turnout of 70% Supports Salazar's Regime; Portuguese Slate Uncontested -- Million Ballot Calmly Government Hails 'Victory' Over Boycott Proponents. Impact: This 'victory' set a precedent for governments everywhere to declare themselves winners regardless of how many people actually voted, laying the groundwork for a future where political 'victories' are just marketing slogans. Fact: In a contest with no competition, every contestant gets a trophy! Welcome to politics!.
• Headline: U.S. ORBIT OF MAN SEEMS OFF TILL '62; Launching of Chimpanzee Is Delayed, Dimming Hopes for Astronaut This Year U.S. MAN IN ORBIT SEEN OFF TILL 1962. Impact: This delay in sending a chimp into space created a knock-on effect where researchers lost confidence in their space program, prompting them to turn to increasingly bizarre experiments, including teaching squirrels to pilot rockets. Spoiler alert: it didn't go well. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, teaching a chimp to fly a rocket is still more successful than some of the human pilots I've seen!.
• Headline: 6 G.I.'s Die in Korean Crash. Impact: The tragic loss of these soldiers underscored the dangers of military operations, leading to reforms in air safety protocols which, ironically, may have resulted in saving countless lives in future conflicts. A tragic event with a silver lining. Fact: Every loss in war is a stark reminder of the cost of conflict, and it’s a hard lesson that we must never forget.
• Headline: Atom Foe Back in Hiroshima. Impact: The return to Hiroshima marked a pivotal moment in the anti-nuclear movement, igniting discussions that would ripple through the decades, eventually leading to a global obsession with 'what if' scenarios about nuclear war and way too many dystopian novels. Fact: Hiroshima is not just a site of tragedy; it’s also a testament to resilience. But let’s be honest, the real reason people go back is for the sushi.