OCTOBER 12, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Soviet Push for U.N. Agency Reform. Impact: Had the Soviets succeeded in their bid for a UN agency overhaul, we might have been living in a world where 'peaceful coexistence' was a trendy social media hashtag, instead of the current chaotic dumpster fire of international relations. Who knows, maybe we'd be sipping vodka with a side of democracy by now.. Fact: Peaceful coexistence: a fancy term for 'let's not blow each other up... yet'..
• Headline: What's in the Air? Windowless Room Gives Reply; Pollution Control Center Sifts Data High Over Battery Three Plastic Tubes Inhale Fumes for the Record. Impact: The Pollution Control Center's windowless room might have inspired future generations to invent air fresheners and scented candles. Who knew stale air could lead to a multi-billion dollar aroma industry?. Fact: In a windowless room, you can truly appreciate how bad air smells—just like being stuck in a lift with a bunch of gym-goers..
• Headline: BRITISH TORIES URGE IMMIGRATION CURBS. Impact: The British Tories' immigration curbs sent shockwaves that would echo into the future, contributing to a culture of fear and division that still influences politics today. Congratulations, Tories! You’ve really outdone yourselves.. Fact: If only they knew that their 'curbs' would just lead to more creative ways to sneak into the country, like reality TV shows!.
• Headline: WESTERN ENVOYS TO RESUME TALKS; U.S. Held Cool to a Parley by Allied Foreign Chiefs WESTERN ENVOYS TO RESUME TALKS. Impact: The US's reluctance to parley with Western allies may have led to a perpetual cycle of diplomatic awkwardness, much like that one friend who can't decide where to eat but insists on joining every outing.. Fact: Coolness in diplomacy is just a fancy way of saying, 'We’re not ready to talk about our feelings yet.'.
• Headline: Kennedy Says Recipients of Aid Need Not Agree Fully With U.S.; KENNEDY TIES AID TO SOVEREIGNTY. Impact: Greece's warning to Bulgaria about the execution of a sexton as a spy may have inadvertently sparked future international spy thrillers, leading to a genre that has entertained millions but probably didn't help relations much.. Fact: Who knew that a sexton's fate could influence the plot of so many action movies? This one’s definitely going on the list of 'Most Likely to Get a Movie Adaptation.'.
• Headline: ATHENS WARNS SOFIA; Says Execution of Sexton as Spy Would Be 'Hostile' Act.