SEPTEMBER 21, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remembering Mrs. Jno H Lee at 101. Impact: Lee's impressive 101 years inspired future generations to seek out the secret to longevity, leading to the rise of countless health fads, from kale smoothies to the 'cabbage soup diet.' Thanks, Lee!. Fact: Isn't it ironic that she lived to 101, yet most people still can't manage to avoid junk food for a week?.
• Headline: Milo Fowler Hamilton: A Foreign Aid Pioneer. Impact: Milo Fowler Hamilton's rise in foreign aid directed more attention to economic policies, which eventually led to the creation of more bureaucratic positions than anyone could possibly understand. It's like a game of job musical chairs, but nobody's having fun.. Fact: Fun fact: the only foreign aid that seems to ever truly thrive is the aid given to coffee shops during the morning rush..
• Headline: PHILOSOPHER DEFECTS; Bloch Seeks Asylum in West After Berlin Border Ban. Impact: Bloch's defection to the West opened the floodgates for philosophers to seek asylum, which created a strange trend where deep thinkers began to prioritize freedom over logic. Imagine that!. Fact: Did you know that philosophers defecting is basically the intellectual equivalent of a celebrity moving to another country for a better tax rate?.
• Headline: U.S. AND SOVIET ENDORSE IDEALS OF DISARMAMENT; McCloy-Zorin Talks Produce Broad Accord That May Lead to More Parleys SOVIET ENDORSES DECREASE IN ARMS. Impact: The U.S. and Soviet endorsement of disarmament ideals was the first sign that they might one day decide to agree on something—like which one of them had the better spy movies. Spoiler: it’s always the one with fewer explosions.. Fact: Did you know that every time they agreed on something, a committee of diplomats probably threw a celebratory party? Too bad the parties never involved actual disarmament..
• Headline: Discoverer Satellite Silent. Impact: The silence of the Discoverer Satellite led to a series of technological failures that eventually taught engineers the importance of double-checking their work—because nothing says 'failed mission' like a lost satellite.. Fact: Did you know that losing contact with a satellite is basically the space version of losing your keys? Except your keys don't orbit the Earth..