AUGUST 13, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Romania's Agricultural Output Improves in 1960. Impact: The increase in wheat and meat production in Romania led to a surplus that was ultimately used to finance a lavish banquet for the Communist Party, resulting in a strange trend of 'banquet diplomacy' that confused international relations for decades. Fact: Did you know that for every loaf of bread produced, there’s a 50% chance someone in the party will try to turn it into a political statement? Who needs real policies when you have baked goods?.
• Headline: Concerns Over Moon Mission Delays. Impact: The delays in the plans for the moon landing caused NASA to rethink its entire approach, leading to the creation of the infamous 'moon czar' position. This brought about the era of bureaucratic titles that sound impressive but do absolutely nothing. Fact: Did you know that if NASA had spent as much time planning the moon landing as they did debating over who should be in charge, we might have invented space travel a century earlier?.
• Headline: Churchill Grandson Cabin Boy. Impact: When Churchill's grandson signed up as a cabin boy, it initiated a bizarre trend of political heirs opting for maritime adventures instead of politics, leading to a peculiar increase in nautical-themed political debates. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than a Churchill in politics is a Churchill on a fishing trip? Talk about a family legacy fishing for votes!.
• Headline: The More Complex U.N.; New Blocs and New Issues Put an End To Simple East Vs. West Pattern. Impact: The complexities introduced at the U.N. led to a series of increasingly bizarre resolutions that culminated in the establishment of an annual 'Bureaucracy Olympics,' where nations compete in red tape and endless deliberation. Fact: Did you know that the U.N. once debated for so long over a single resolution that they accidentally invented a new form of slow torture? It's called 'policy formation.'.
• Headline: ETHIOPIA PENAL CODE DECREES FLOGGINGS. Impact: Ethiopia's decision to decree floggings for certain crimes created a ripple effect that led to the international community's awkward attempts to address human rights, resulting in a series of failed campaigns and overly complicated legal jargon. Fact: In a twist of irony, the only thing more painful than flogging is trying to navigate the international response to it. Good luck with that, Ethiopia.
• Headline: Old Gotham's Problems; SOS NEW YORK. A City in Distress and What Can Be Done About It. By Eric M. Javits. 177 pp. New York: The Dial Press. $3.95.. Impact: Eric M. Javits' book on New York's distress led to a minor literary movement focused on urban problems, resulting in a plethora of novels about cities in crisis—none of which led to any actual solutions, of course. Fact: Did you know that every time someone writes a book about New York's problems, an angel loses its wings? Or maybe it just buys a ticket to leave the city—who can blame it?.