JULY 28, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Meyner Supports Jetport Referendum Vote. Impact: Meyner's casual suggestion to hold a referendum on a jetport inadvertently sparked the 'Great Jetport Wars' of the 1960s, leading to a series of absurd debates about where to put a giant airport, ultimately resulting in the invention of the inflatable airplane.. Fact: Did you know that if you inflate an airplane, it won't actually fly? Shocking, I know..
• Headline: The Legacy of William E. Daley. Impact: Daley's existence was so pivotal that it caused a temporal ripple effect, leading to the creation of the phrase 'William E. Da-ley, what a guy!' which somehow became a popular meme in the year 2045.. Fact: William E. Daley is actually a time traveler from the future, here to ensure that his legacy remains underwhelming..
• Headline: Citizen Group Forms to Support Lefkowitz. Impact: The formation of this citizen group led to an unforeseen trend of citizen activism that caused local coffee shops to run out of avocados by 1975, as everyone was too busy discussing politics to eat their toast.. Fact: Citizen groups are just like book clubs, except instead of discussing novels, they argue about who gets to run the town..
• Headline: Sumatra Rebel Surrenders. Impact: M. Simbolon's surrender marked a critical turning point that influenced countless future rebellions, leading to a time where no one could surrender without first consulting a lawyer.. Fact: The Sumatra rebellion was so intense that they even considered replacing the national anthem with a rock ballad. Spoiler: it didn't happen..
• Headline: MRS CHESTER L. DANE. Impact: Mrs. Chester L. Dane's name became synonymous with the 'Stay-at-home-Mom Revolution' of the 1970s, triggering a nationwide movement for more cookie recipes and less outside chaos.. Fact: Rumor has it that Mrs. Dane single-handedly invented the concept of 'Mom's Night Off'—a night where moms pretend they don't exist..
• Headline: U.S. TRIUMPHS IN SWIM; Wheel-Chair Team Captures Five Firsts in England. Impact: The triumph of the wheelchair swimming team not only inspired future Paralympic athletes but also caused a global shortage of pool noodles, as everyone wanted to celebrate by splashing around.. Fact: Some say that if you swim hard enough, you can actually time travel. But don't take my word for it; I'm just a historian..
• Headline: JERSEY SIGNS PACTS FOR RAIL SUBSIDIES. Impact: Signing these subsidy contracts unintentionally paved the way for the eventual invention of the express train that only stops for coffee and snacks, revolutionizing commuter culture forever.. Fact: New Jersey's motto should really be 'We put the 'fun' in funding public transport'—just kidding, no one thinks that..
• Headline: Rusk Turns Down Castro Bid For Exchange of Seized Planes; RUSK TURNS DOWN CASTRO PLANE BID. Impact: This rejection set off a chain reaction that eventually led to paper airplane competitions becoming a national pastime, as people needed a way to vent their frustrations.. Fact: If Rusk had accepted Castro's bid, we might have had a completely different version of 'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles'—one with actual planes..
• Headline: Queens G.O.P. Chief Cited In Report on State Inquiry; G.O.P. CHIEF CITED IN STATE INQUIRY. Impact: This inquiry sparked the rise of numerous conspiracy theories about the G.O.P. and its secret society known as 'The Order of the Missing $50,' which still haunts New York politics today.. Fact: In politics, $50 is basically the going rate for a bad decision. I guess it’s a bargain!.
• Headline: WILLIAM G. BUSHELL, SUFFOLK LAWYER, 74. Impact: William G. Bushell's career as a lawyer led to a series of legal precedents that established the right to remain silent during family dinners—a monumental achievement.. Fact: Lawyers age like fine wine; the more they age, the more they charge… but the taste often varies..