JULY 11, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Court Overturns Speeding Convictions Statewide. Impact: This ruling led to a mass exodus of speeding drivers celebrating their newfound freedom. Little did they know, this would eventually inspire a new generation of 'Fast and Furious' films, forever altering the course of cinematic history.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than speed limits is trying to understand why anyone thought they were enforced correctly in the first place?.
• Headline: The Legacy of Adam H. Schultheis. Impact: The mere mention of Adam H. Schultheis in the headlines sent a ripple through time, leading to a mysterious cult forming around his name, with followers believing he was the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe... or just really good at paperwork.. Fact: Did you know that if you Google Adam H. Schultheis, you'll find more conspiracy theories than actual information? Welcome to the world of obscure historical figures!.
• Headline: Riders Convicted, Case Delayed for Students. Impact: This case postponement sparked a nationwide trend of students thinking they could indefinitely delay responsibilities, ultimately leading to the rise of procrastination as an art form.. Fact: Did you know that 'postponed' is just another word for 'I hope they forget about this forever' in student-speak?.
• Headline: MATTHEW D. BRANCH, LIEUTENANT COLONEL. Impact: Lieutenant Colonel Matthew D. Branch's name would eventually be linked to a secret military project involving the creation of super soldiers. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go as planned.. Fact: Did you know that being a Lieutenant Colonel sounds a lot cooler than it actually is? It's like being the Vice President of a really boring club..
• Headline: DR. ERNEST KILCUP DIES; President and Chairman of Davol Rubber Co. Was 70. Impact: Dr. Ernest Kilcup's passing left a void not only in the rubber industry but also inspired a wave of puns that would echo through the ages, proving once and for all that humor can indeed bounce back.. Fact: Did you know that Dr. Kilcup was the mastermind behind some of the most comfortable rubber products? His legacy lives on in every bouncy ball ever made!.
• Headline: BETHLEHEM STOCK IN BIG SECONDARY; Offering of 727,200 Shares Called a Surprise Success BETHLEHEM STOCK IN BIG SECONDARY. Impact: The surprise success of Bethlehem stock led to a financial frenzy that would have people investing in anything that remotely resembled a company, resulting in the eventual rise of the tech bubble. Thanks, Bethlehem!. Fact: Did you know that surprise success is just another way of saying, 'We have no idea how this happened, but let's pretend we planned it'?.
• Headline: KENNEDY ORDERS DEFENSE REVIEW IN BERLIN CRISIS; Calls for a Survey of Need to Increase Arms Spending in Face of Soviet Threat RUSSIAN BUILD-UP NOTED Pentagon Warns of Danger -- President Moves After Session With Advisers Kennedy Orders Arms Review To Counter the Soviet on Berlin. Impact: Kennedy's review of defense spending during the Berlin crisis inadvertently sparked a decades-long debate over military budgets, leading to countless political discussions that could put a caffeine-fueled squirrel to sleep.. Fact: Did you know that increasing arms spending is often described by politicians as 'necessary,' which is code for 'we need to justify our existence'?.
• Headline: LIFE GUARD DUTY BY AIRMEN HALTED. Impact: The halting of lifeguard duty by airmen led to a series of unfortunate swimming incidents, eventually resulting in the creation of mandatory swim lessons for military personnel, because nothing says 'prepared for battle' like knowing how to float.. Fact: Did you know that most airmen have a better chance of surviving a dogfight than a day at the pool? Swim lessons are now on the curriculum!.
• Headline: HAROLD F. TEMPLE OF LORILLARD DIES; Tobacco Company President Joined Concern in 1926. Impact: Harold F. Temple's death marked the end of an era for the tobacco industry, leading to an increase in anti-smoking campaigns that would eventually make smoking about as popular as eating chalk.. Fact: Did you know that the tobacco industry has more ups and downs than a rollercoaster? Good luck trying to keep up with those trends!.