MAY 22, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: In Memory of Carl Murchison, Psychologist. Impact: Murchison's death sparked a nationwide art appreciation movement. His last collection was discovered to contain a rare piece that inspired hipsters to create the 'Artisanal Abstract' movement, leading to the rise of overpriced avocado toast art.. Fact: Murchison once claimed that psychology could explain why some people think they can pull off wearing socks with sandals. Spoiler: it can't..
• Headline: McNamara's Rapid Reforms at the Pentagon. Impact: The ferment at the Pentagon led to a series of intense meetings that inexplicably resulted in the 'McNamara Mustache Movement,' where military leaders began to believe that facial hair could increase strategic advantage. Spoiler: it didn’t.. Fact: McNamara was known for his intense pace, which is ironic considering he still managed to break records for the longest time spent avoiding questions..
• Headline: Korea's Show of Force Against Crime. Impact: The parade of hoodlums was broadcasted worldwide, inspiring countless reality TV shows about crime and punishment, leading to the phrase 'crime pays' becoming an actual life motto for some.. Fact: This event marked the beginning of 'Hoodlum Reality TV,' which surprisingly never took off. Turns out, people prefer their crime stories scripted..
• Headline: DR. CARL W. HANSEN, EX-HEAD OF U.S.A.F.I.. Impact: Hansen's tenure at U.S.A.F.I. led to a series of military reforms that, decades later, resulted in the creation of the 'U.S. Air Force Institute of Fantastic Ideas' where they brainstormed ways to make planes more stylish.. Fact: Hansen was reportedly the first to suggest that airmen should wear aviator sunglasses, not for style, but to look cool while flying..
• Headline: MARY TOYE. Impact: Mary Toye's influence in her community led to a surprising surge in pottery classes, resulting in the 'Great Ceramic Crisis' of the '60s—when everyone thought they were a master potter and no one was actually good at it.. Fact: Mary was known for her pottery but was more famous for accidentally creating a 'pot' that looked suspiciously like a cartoon character..
• Headline: EX-GOV. TRUMBULL DIES IN HARTFORD; Connecticut Leader, '25-31, Headed Electrical Concern. Impact: Trumbull's death triggered a re-examination of Connecticut's electrical infrastructure, which inadvertently led to the invention of the first 'smart toaster' that could burn toast at the push of a button.. Fact: Trumbull once tried to convince his constituents that electrical concerns were as vital as making sure their neighbors didn't have better lawns..
• Headline: Confidence Is Expressed. Impact: The expressed confidence in deals led to the infamous 'Deal of the Century'—a series of contracts for overpriced office supplies that would haunt corporate America for decades.. Fact: Confidence in deals is like confidence in a diet; it lasts about a week before you find yourself at a buffet..
• Headline: LAWYERS ASSAIL LANDINGS IN CUBA; Ex-U.S.I.A. Chief Is Among 132 Charging Illegality. Impact: The lawyers' assault on the Cuba landings sparked a decade of legal battles over the definition of 'illegal,' leading to the term being redefined as 'whatever the government feels like at the moment.'. Fact: 132 lawyers banding together is like a group of cats trying to agree on a single sunbeam; it's messy and ultimately unproductive..
• Headline: CHURCHES STUDY CITY-SUBURB TIES; Wilton and Brooklyn Units Seek Ways to Cooperate. Impact: The churches' study on city-suburb ties led to the establishment of 'Interfaith Potlucks,' which became a nationwide sensation until someone brought tuna casserole, causing an interdenominational crisis.. Fact: The idea that churches could cooperate was revolutionary back then, considering most of them still argued over who had the best coffee..