MAY 9, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mexican Leader Supports Cuban People. Impact: This moment set off a chain reaction leading to a series of 'I love Cuba' t-shirts popping up in local thrift shops across Mexico in the 80s, fueling the fashion trend of ironic political apparel.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'anti-imperialist' has been used so much that it has its own fan club? Spoiler: it's not very popular..
• Headline: U.N. Movement Regarding Tshombe's Fate. Impact: The U.N.'s involvement in this situation led to an increased interest in international diplomacy, ultimately resulting in an entire generation of students pretending to care about foreign policy while binge-watching reality TV.. Fact: Did you know that the U.N. could have just sent a postcard saying 'Wish you were here!' instead of all that diplomatic drama? Much simpler..
• Headline: Aid Expansion for Jobless Children Signed. Impact: This relief expansion created a ripple effect that encouraged future politicians to use 'children' as a buzzword during campaigns, eventually leading to the rise of 'political child pandering' as a genuine campaign strategy.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked up all the paper used for relief bills, you could build a pretty impressive fort? Just saying....
• Headline: Two Bombs Set Off in Algiers. Impact: This tragic event sparked a series of discussions about security that echoed into the future, leading to modern-day debates about airport security that would make anyone long for the days when you could just stroll onto a plane with a pet rock.. Fact: It's a sad reminder that in the grand scheme of history, some things never change—like the fact that violence often begets more violence..
• Headline: HARVARD ELECTS SEVEN; Young Scientists and Scholars Named Junior Fellows. Impact: The selection of these brilliant minds eventually led to the invention of the phrase 'I was in junior fellowship at Harvard' becoming the most pretentious way to describe your college experience.. Fact: Fun fact: If you say 'Harvard' three times in a row, a student magically appears to boast about their GPA..
• Headline: QUIZ STAR PLEADS GUILTY IN PERJURY; Mrs. Nearing, Lawyer, Wins a Suspended Term -- Bar Group May Act Next 18 STILL FACING TRIAL Justice in Special Sessions Defers Remaining Cases for Action on May 22. Impact: This event showcased the legal system's inefficiencies, which inspired future generations to think that 'lawyer' is just another word for 'professional procrastinator'.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of quiz shows, honesty is only the best policy until you realize the prize money is more important?.
• Headline: Washington Cheers Shepard as Hero; Astronaut Decorated by Kennedy -- Tells Story of Flight Washington Hails Shepard as a Hero and Hears Him Tell Story of Space Flight ASTRONAUT SAYS TRIP WAS 'SMOOTH' No 'Bad Moments at All,' Flier Relates on Day of Plaudits and Honors The Time Had Come to Present the Medal to the Astronaut, and the President -- Oops -- Did His Duty. Impact: Shepard's heroics inspired countless kids to dream of space travel, leading to the creation of an entire generation of aspiring astronauts who would never actually leave their couches.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of astronauts, 'smooth' means there were only minor explosions?.
• Headline: FARM UNIT OPPOSES PART OF NEW PLAN. Impact: This opposition fueled debates over agricultural policies that eventually led to the rise of organic farming, where people pay twice as much for produce that looks like it survived a war zone.. Fact: Ah, the age-old battle between farmers and politicians: they should just settle it with a pie-eating contest—everyone loves pie!.
• Headline: CLEARINGS SET MARK; Check Turnover Last Month a Record for an April. Impact: This record-breaking moment led to a series of financial booms and busts, ultimately creating a culture that equates financial stability with panic attacks and coffee addiction.. Fact: Did you know that if you say 'record turnover' in a room full of accountants, they will spontaneously break out into a happy dance? Or maybe that's just the coffee kicking in..
• Headline: U.S. OFFERS PLANS FOR O.A.S. PARLEY ON AID TO LATINS; Submits Agenda for Talks Requested by President -- Date Approval Deferred U.S. OFFERS PLANS FOR O.A.S. PARLEY. Impact: This diplomatic effort opened the door for future U.S. interventions that would make for some awkward Thanksgiving dinners in years to come, especially with that one uncle who thinks he knows everything about foreign affairs.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing longer than a U.S. agenda is a list of all the reasons why people ignore them?.