MARCH 2, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jersey Courts to Open Earlier: A New Initiative. Impact: By opening courts earlier, a wave of punctuality swept through the legal system, leading to a nationwide trend of judges wearing watches. It eventually prompted the rise of 'Judges with Watches' merchandise, making them the hipsters of the 21st century.. Fact: Did you know that half an hour can be the difference between a quick trial and a lifetime of legal drama? Welcome to America!.
• Headline: Amendments Proposed to BUS-BILL Law. Impact: Speno’s amendments to the bus bill inadvertently led to a nationwide obsession with film ratings. Thanks to this, we now have an entire generation who can’t watch a movie without checking the rating first. Thanks, Speno!. Fact: Fun fact: If amendments were a sport, Speno would be the Michael Jordan of legislative revisions. Too bad no one’s keeping score..
• Headline: Pro-Castro Demonstrators Target US Embassy. Impact: The damage done by pro-Castro demonstrators to the US Embassy led to a rise in diplomatic security measures, resulting in the invention of more sophisticated barriers. The future saw embassies resembling fortresses, making international relations feel a lot like a game of Capture the Flag.. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, damaging embassies has never really been a great idea. Who knew?.
• Headline: EL SALVADOR CUTS TIES WITH HAVANA. Impact: El Salvador cutting ties with Havana triggered a domino effect across Latin America, leading to a series of alliances and rivalries that could rival any soap opera. Spoiler alert: There were no happy endings.. Fact: Did you know that breaking ties can sometimes be easier than breaking up with your high school sweetheart? At least in this case, no one had to deal with awkward family dinners!.
• Headline: TALLAMY DEFENDS THRUWAY CONTRACT. Impact: Tallamy’s defense of the Thruway contract opened up a Pandora's box of infrastructure debates, leading to the creation of imaginary contracts and bureaucratic jargon that only the most dedicated (or bored) could understand.. Fact: Every time someone defends a contract, somewhere a lawyer gets their wings. Or just a raise. It’s hard to tell..
• Headline: Soviet Satellite's Life Ended. Impact: The demise of the Soviet satellite led to a brief moment of mourning in the space community, which then spiraled into a fierce competition to launch the next best thing. This would eventually inspire an entire genre of films featuring rogue satellites.. Fact: Did you know that satellites have feelings too? Just kidding, they don’t, but if they did, this one would be feeling pretty burnt out..
• Headline: POSTMASTER TEST FACING REVISIONS. Impact: Revisions to the postmaster exam standards led to a generation of postmasters who could recite postal regulations backward and forward, creating an elite group known as the 'Postmaster Wizards'.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more complex than postal regulations is the way people still can’t find their mailboxes! Go figure..
• Headline: State Payments Increase. Impact: An increase in state payments sparked a frenzy of budget discussions that led to 'Budgeting 101' becoming a mandatory class in schools across the country. Kids everywhere now know how to balance a checkbook but can’t balance their social lives.. Fact: Did you know that money can’t buy happiness? But it can definitely buy a lot of things that might distract you from the fact that you’re still unhappy!.
• Headline: Federal Order to Tighten Ban on Job Discrimination; Kennedy Says He Will Act in a 'Few' Days -- Reorganization Is Expected for 2 Government Committees Federal Action on Job Rights Is Planned Within 'a Few Days'. Impact: Kennedy's plan to tighten job discrimination policies paved the way for the modern HR department, where the only thing more prevalent than policies is the coffee consumption. It also brought about the infamous 'HR said no' mantra.. Fact: Fun fact: If you ever feel down about your job, just remember that even HR has to deal with paperwork and people who think they deserve a raise for showing up!.