FEBRUARY 17, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Assistants Attorneys General Appointed. Impact: This trio's appointment inadvertently led to the formation of an underground network of law-abiding citizens who believed that the assistant attorneys general were secretly superhero sidekicks. By the late 80s, they had their own comic book franchise, which included a multi-dimensional crossover with the Avengers.. Fact: Did you know that being an Assistant Attorney General is often considered the high school debate team of law careers? Only the most verbose survive!.
• Headline: Bedford-Stuyvesant Rent Scam Uncovered. Impact: The arrest of these swindlers sparked a nationwide trend of 'phantom' real estate ventures, leading to the rise of ghost tours in Brooklyn that are still popular to this day. People now pay to see the 'haunted' apartments that never existed.. Fact: In the world of real estate, owning a property you don’t control is called 'living the dream'..
• Headline: Behind the Scenes of 'Ada' Film. Impact: The jovial atmosphere on set led to a secret pact among Hollywood directors to always include at least one awkward dance scene in every film, thus solidifying the cringe-worthy dance montage as a staple in romantic comedies.. Fact: Fun fact: Dean Martin was known for his smooth voice, but his dance moves could clear a crowded dance floor faster than a fire alarm!.
• Headline: SUBWAY MEN PROTEST; Supervisors Seek Talk With Mayor on Work Conditions. Impact: This protest triggered a chain reaction that ultimately led to the invention of the 'Subway Sandwich'. In a twist of fate, it became the go-to lunch for disgruntled subway workers everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that subway protests are basically just an elaborate way of asking for better snack options during shifts?.
• Headline: N.A.M. CHIEFS ASK U.S. SPENDING CUT; Call for 2.8 Billion Slash in Budget -- Oppose Outlays to Combat Recession. Impact: The call for budget cuts created a ripple effect that eventually led to the invention of the DIY home improvement craze, with citizens taking budget cuts into their own hands and deciding that duct tape could fix anything.. Fact: Fun fact: A budget cut is just a fancy way of saying 'we're cutting your lunch money and you better learn to like ramen noodles'!.
• Headline: 100 CITED IN DRIVE ON OBSCENITY HERE. Impact: This crackdown on obscenity inspired a generation of rebellious artists who created a secretive underground movement that secretly influenced pop culture; many of today's top musicians owe their success to this 'obscenity' movement.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'obscenity' was originally invented by people who had never seen a cat video on the internet..
• Headline: SLANDER PLEA DENIED; Teamster Monitor Loses Case on Housing Discrimination. Impact: This case set a precedent that led to a dramatic increase in housing discrimination lawsuits, which in turn inspired a slew of reality TV shows about outrageous real estate practices. Who knew discrimination could be so entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that losing a million-dollar lawsuit is basically just a really expensive form of public speaking?.
• Headline: EAST SIDE CANDIDATE; Democrats Back Sedgwick for Yorkville Leader.. Impact: Sedgwick's campaign became the basis for a reality show where candidates had to outwit each other with increasingly ridiculous campaign promises, culminating in the infamous 'free pizza for everyone' vow.. Fact: Fun fact: In politics, 'backing a candidate' usually involves a lot of backstabbing, just to keep things interesting..
• Headline: Car Finance Concern Formed. Impact: The formation of this concern inadvertently led to the rise of 'buy here, pay here' lots, which became a staple of American car culture, paving the way for people to own cars they can barely afford—as long as they have a pulse and a credit score.. Fact: Did you know that financing a car is just a long-term commitment to a relationship filled with interest, late fees, and regret?.