FEBRUARY 2, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nixon Returns from Miami Vacation. Impact: Nixon's trip to Washington led to a series of events dubbed the 'Great Miami Distraction,' where every political scandal was overshadowed by a tropical shirt and a cocktail in hand. The ensuing cocktail memes would pave the way for future politicians to prioritize vacation over governance.. Fact: Did you know that Nixon's love for vacations is only rivaled by his love for recording everything? Talk about a multi-tasker!.
• Headline: Montgomery Libel Suit and Desegregation Challenges. Impact: The libel suit against the NY Times sparked a series of legal battles that ultimately led to the creation of the world's longest-lasting argument: whether or not a newspaper can actually be 'fake news.' Spoiler alert: it can.. Fact: Fun fact: Montgomery Mayor's $500,000 damages could have built a small library—if only he had decided to invest in literacy instead of libel..
• Headline: Repercussions for Southern Democrats' Dissent. Impact: The Southern Democrats' rebuffing over committee assignments prompted an underground movement known as 'The Committee of Left-Outs'—a group dedicated to making sure everyone feels equally unrepresented in politics.. Fact: Did you know that being denied a committee assignment is just like being picked last in gym class, but with a lot more paperwork and a lot less dodgeball?.
• Headline: SWAINSON PRESENTS MICHIGAN TAX PLAN. Impact: Gov Swainson's tax plan led to a statewide uprising known as the '3% Rebellion,' which resulted in citizens choosing to hide their income under their mattresses instead of paying taxes. Mattress sales soared!. Fact: Did you know that tax plans are basically the adult version of 'pick your poison'? You can choose your taxes or be haunted by the IRS forever!.
• Headline: C.Y.O. HONORS SCREVANE; Brooklyn Club Picks Sanitation Chief as 'Man of the Year'. Impact: Screvane's 'Man of the Year' honor led to an influx of sanitation-themed superhero movies, proving that with great garbage collection comes great responsibility—at the box office.. Fact: Did you know that being named 'Man of the Year' in sanitation is basically the same as being awarded 'Best Supporting Actor' in the film of life? Everyone knows you did a great job, but nobody's really watching..
• Headline: NEW SET-UP IS URGED IN MEDICAL SERVICE. Impact: Commissioner Baumgartner's push for medical service reorganization inadvertently set off the 'Health Care Revolution,' leading to a future where people would actually get appointments without having to sell a kidney.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing less organized than the medical system at the time was your average group project in high school?.
• Headline: Jersey Reports 44% Of Autos Inspected In '60 Failed Tests. Impact: Jersey's alarming failure rate in auto inspections led to car owners developing a new skill set: 'how to convince a mechanic to pass your car.' This eventually birthed a reality TV show that nobody wanted.. Fact: Did you know that failing a car inspection in Jersey is basically a rite of passage? It's like a badge of honor, but with more rust..
• Headline: Civil Engineer Named Adelphi Vice President. Impact: Henderer's appointment as vice president led to a future where civil engineers became the unsung heroes of society, proving that the real superheroes wear hard hats, not capes.. Fact: Did you know that civil engineers are just like regular engineers, except they’re entrusted with keeping buildings from falling on your head? No pressure!.
• Headline: Missile Expansion Planned. Impact: The missile expansion plan resulted in a decade-long arms race that turned playgrounds into launching pads for future generations. Who knew that playing 'tag' could lead to international incidents?. Fact: Did you know that missile expansion plans are like the adult version of showing off your toys? 'Look at my missile! It's bigger than yours!'.