JANUARY 10, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Illinois Faces Fiscal Crisis Under New Leadership. Impact: This financial panic led to a never-ending cycle of tax debates that would eventually create a black hole of revenue discussions, leading to the invention of the phrase 'let's kick the can down the road' as a national pastime. Fact: Fun fact: Illinois has seen so many budget crises that residents have begun to refer to their state as 'The Land of Lincoln and Late Tax Returns.'.
• Headline: Georgia University Temporary Closure Proposal. Impact: Shutting down a university temporarily set a precedent for future governors to use 'temporary' as a euphemism for 'forever' when it comes to educational funding—leading to an entire generation of confused students. Fact: In the wake of this decision, 'temporary' became the most misused word in the political dictionary, right next to 'reform' and 'bipartisan.'.
• Headline: 10% STATE TAX CUT VOTED BY SENATE; ASSEMBLY TO ACT; 90 Million Rebate Is Adopted 54 to 3 -- Lower House to Speed Approval DEMOCRATIC PLAN FAILS Republicans Defeat Move to Restore Exemptions Used Before Withholding State Senate Votes 10% Tax Cut; Assembly Set for Fast Approval. Impact: This vote set off years of political back-and-forth that would ultimately result in tax season becoming a national sport, complete with team jerseys and a Hall of Fame for the best tax accountants. Fact: Did you know that tax cuts are often viewed as a magic trick? Poof! Your money disappears, and somehow, it reappears in a budget deficit!.
• Headline: PRESIDENT OPENS PARLEY ON AGING; Notes Conference's Conflict on Medical Care -- Asks Airing of All Views. Impact: This conference sparked a national conversation about aging that would eventually lead to the creation of more anti-aging creams than there are actual aging people, resulting in a bizarre skincare craze. Fact: Interestingly, the average age of participants was so high that it was considered more of a wake than a conference. Cue the bingo games!.
• Headline: 5 Germans Stand Trial. Impact: This trial brought to light the implications of espionage that echoed through the Cold War, leading to every spy novel ever written since then being required to have at least one scene in a dimly lit café. Fact: Fun fact: After the trial, the term 'NATO secret' became a euphemism for anything your neighbor might be trying to hide, like their poor gardening skills.
• Headline: 4 Cuban Diplomats Ask Asylum in U.S. After Break in Ties; 4 CUBAN OFFICIALS ASK U.S. ASYLUM. Impact: This event created a domino effect that would result in increased tensions, more diplomatic fiascos, and the eventual creation of a cocktail called the 'Cuban Crisis'—which is mostly just rum and confusion. Fact: Did you know that the Monroe Doctrine is basically the 'keep out' sign on the front porch of America? It's been up since the 1820s and still hasn't been taken down!.
• Headline: Ethical Culture Society Elects New President. Impact: This election symbolizes the endless cycle of people wanting to lead organizations dedicated to ethics, only to find out that ethics is as slippery as a greased pig at a county fair. Fact: Ironically, the Ethical Culture Society has held more elections than actual ethical decisions made by its members.
• Headline: HIGH COURT DENIES DIXON-YATES PLEA; Holds U.S. Need Not Pay for Ending Power Contract HIGH COURT BARS DIXON-YATES PLEA. Impact: This ruling set a legal precedent that made future contracts as trustworthy as a used car salesman, ensuring that everyone involved would always double-check the fine print—if they even bothered to read it. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'conflict-of-interest' became the legal equivalent of 'Oops, my bad!' after this case.