JANUARY 8, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kennedy Retains Key Soviet Advisors. Impact: Kennedy's decision to retain these advisers led to a series of increasingly tense encounters with the Soviets, ultimately resulting in the creation of an underground network of 'Secret Adviser Karaoke Nights' where they tried to out-sing each other with Cold War anthems.. Fact: This kept the world teetering on the brink of nuclear war while simultaneously giving a boost to the karaoke industry in Moscow. Who knew the fate of the world could hinge on a rendition of 'Don't Stop Believin'?.
• Headline: Innovative Hotel Design Testing. Impact: The experimentation in hotel room designs led to the creation of bizarre themed hotels, including a 'Ninja Warrior' hotel where guests have to navigate obstacle courses to get to their rooms. Thanks, Capitol Theatre basement!. Fact: If you think hotel rooms are weird now, just imagine how confused our ancestors would be if they saw a 'Space Hotel' where guests float around in zero gravity while sipping cocktails..
• Headline: The Way the Afrika Korps Saw the War in the Desert; THE FOXES OF THE DESERT. By Paul Carell. Translated by Mervyn Savill from the German, "Die Wuestenfuechse." Illustrated. 370 pp. New York E.P &. Co. $5.95. War in the Desert. Impact: This book, while focusing on a historical war narrative, became a cult favorite among hipsters who now believe they understand desert warfare better than actual military strategists. They even started a book club that meets in the desert.. Fact: You have to love how the Afrika Korps went from being military leaders to literary celebrities. Next stop, a coffee table book series on their favorite desert cacti..
• Headline: Hammarskjold Warns Belgium; Soviet Bids U.N. Meet on Congo; U.N. CHIEF WARNS BELGIUM ON CONGO. Impact: Hammarskjold's warning led to a series of increasingly absurd diplomatic exchanges, with Belgium sending chocolate boxes as peace offerings and Congo responding with voodoo dolls. Diplomatic relations? More like a circus act.. Fact: It's said that chocolate diplomacy is one of the few tactics that actually works, unless you accidentally send dark chocolate to someone who only likes milk chocolate. Then it's just war..
• Headline: ROME, TASSO AND PETER BLUME. Impact: This painting became the centerpiece in a long line of artists trying to outdo each other in their interpretations of nature, ultimately creating a bizarre art movement that revolved around trees wearing hats.. Fact: Tasso's Oak is now considered a fashion icon in the art world, with artists arguing over what type of hat would look best on it. Spoiler: it's a beret..
• Headline: Cuba Shows No Sign of Intent To Harass U.S. Naval Station; Building of Customs House Proceeds -Some Workers Viewed as Potential Saboteurs Quit Jobs at the Base. Impact: Cuba's decision to avoid harassing the U.S. naval station led to an unexpected alliance between disgruntled workers and American sailors, resulting in a 'Cuban-American Job Fair' that no one wanted to attend but everyone showed up to.. Fact: Nothing says 'friendly relations' like a naval base and a customs house coexisting peacefully while workers strategize their escape plans in the break room..
• Headline: Dr. Weaver's Opposition. Impact: Dr. Weaver's opposition ultimately led to the creation of the 'Kennedy Support Group,' where supporters and detractors gather to discuss their feelings in a safe space. The first rule: No politics allowed!. Fact: The group eventually evolved into a reality TV show where they argue over who has the best political memes. The ratings were through the roof!.