JANUARY 4, 1961

Full News Archive

• Headline: Glen Cove's Leadership Void Begins. Impact: Without a mayor, Glen Cove became a 'leaderless wonderland,' inspiring a generation of mayors to take lengthy vacations, thus delaying local government decisions for years. Somewhere, a cat is now running for office.. Fact: Did you know that mayors can actually take vacations? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Jones Gains Momentum in New Jersey Governor Race. Impact: Senator Jones' lead in the G.O.P. nomination sparked a series of events that led to the creation of the term 'Jersey Shore Politics,' where every election is treated like a reality TV show. A new genre of drama was born.. Fact: Fun fact: New Jersey has more diners per capita than any other state. Maybe they should just vote over breakfast instead!.
• Headline: Somali Protests Against US Aid to Ethiopia. Impact: The protests against U.S. military aid to Ethiopia inadvertently led to an increase in local coffee shop debates, where everyone suddenly became an expert on international relations with a side of scones.. Fact: Did you know that coffee was once banned in Mecca? Perhaps they should have just protested with a nice cup of tea instead!.
• Headline: 2,142 BILLS AWAIT ACTION IN ALBANY; But the Total Prefiled Is 330 Below 1960 -- Prospects Are Somber for Most. Impact: The 2,142 bills waiting in Albany became a catalyst for a new sport: legislative procrastination. Competitions were held to see who could 'table' the most bills while simultaneously ignoring constituents.. Fact: In Albany, 'waiting for action' is considered a sport. Some lawmakers are aiming for the Olympics!.
• Headline: Bagpipers to Parade Jan. 20. Impact: The inclusion of bagpipers in the USAF band became a defining moment in military history, leading to a massive increase in plaid fabric sales and a new era of 'Piper Power' in troop morale.. Fact: Did you know bagpipes are banned in some countries? I guess they couldn’t handle the ‘high notes’ of diplomacy!.
• Headline: BRITISH CUT GOLD BUYING. Impact: The British cutting gold buying led to a gold rush among conspiracy theorists, who believed that this was a sign of an impending economic apocalypse. Spoiler: it wasn't.. Fact: Fun fact: Gold is so heavy that it can only be mined by the incredibly patient... or very bored!.
• Headline: Seaboard & Western Elects. Impact: The election of new directors at Seaboard & Western resulted in a massive increase in corporate meetings, leading to the invention of the phrase 'death by PowerPoint.'. Fact: Did you know that the average meeting length is 31 minutes? That’s 31 minutes you’ll never get back!.
• Headline: CANADA REGRETS RIFT; Offers Aid to Heal the Breach Between U.S. and Cuba. Impact: Canada's offer to heal U.S.-Cuba relations opened the door to future diplomatic efforts, leading to the rise of 'Nice Neighbor' diplomacy, where everyone just brought over cookies to resolve conflicts.. Fact: Did you know that Canada is known for its politeness? They probably apologized to Cuba for even suggesting a rift!.
• Headline: CONGRESS OPENS WITH CONFLICTS ON PROCEDURES; Filibuster Curbs Sought in Senate -- Colmer's Purge Is Believed Certain CONGRESS STARTS WITH RULES FIGHT. Impact: The conflicts over congressional procedures sparked a series of filibusters that eventually led to the creation of 'C-SPAN drinking games,' where participants take a shot every time a senator goes off-topic.. Fact: Fun fact: The longest filibuster in history lasted 24 hours. Can you imagine the bathroom breaks?.