DECEMBER 24, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Eisenhower Defies Congressional Funding Restrictions. Impact: Eisenhower's refusal to play nice with Congress led to a slippery slope of executive overreach. Fast forward a few decades, and here we are with presidents creating their own emojis in official communications. Thanks, Ike!. Fact: Did you know that ignoring Congress is basically the original 'hold my beer' moment in U.S. politics?.
• Headline: Secondary Sales and Market Trends. Impact: This theory led to stock market analysts wearing tinfoil hats as they tried to predict economic downturns based on bear sightings. The next thing you know, they’re predicting a recession every time a bear cub is born.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more unpredictable than the stock market is the behavior of actual bears—at least they don't pretend to be polite..
• Headline: Legacy of Desmond Shaw: Reincarnation Beliefs. Impact: Desmond Shaw’s belief in reincarnation paved the way for a whole generation of poets to think they could come back as better versions of themselves. Spoiler alert: most didn’t.. Fact: Did you know that if reincarnation were real, the odds of coming back as a potato would be disturbingly high?.
• Headline: A Strengthened Case. Impact: The Fed's decision to cut gold reserves arguably set the stage for the wild west of modern finance, where we now have crypto and meme stocks. Thanks to that, everyone’s an investor—and by 'investor,' I mean 'gambler'.. Fact: Did you know that cutting gold reserves is like putting your kid in charge of the cookie jar? Chaos ensues!.
• Headline: Robinson's .595 Average Wins National League Slugging Title; Aaron Is Runner-Up to Reds' Star With .566 -- Boyer and Mays Also Rank High. Impact: Robinson's slugging title may have encouraged every kid with a bat to think they could also achieve greatness. Spoiler: they mostly just achieved a trip to the ER.. Fact: Did you know that in baseball, hitting .595 is like getting a Tinder match and then realizing it’s just a bot? Disappointment levels are high..
• Headline: GEORGE P. EBERLIN. Impact: George P. Eberlin's contributions were so profound that future historians would use his name as a code for 'serious business.' Just imagine the secret society meetings that ensued.. Fact: Did you know that George P. Eberlin is likely the reason your history teacher always had that manic gleam in their eye?.
• Headline: SLANDER IS CHARGED BY CITY CONTRACTOR. Impact: The slander charges opened the floodgates for contractors to argue over who can shout louder. This eventually evolved into reality TV, where people slander each other over avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that slander lawsuits are basically the adult version of a schoolyard fight? Only with lawyers and significantly less fun..
• Headline: KENNEDY DENIES DEAL WITH DILLON ON TREASURY JOB; Says Secretary-Designate Did Not Ask Commitment on 'Tight-Money' Policies ECONOMIC POST FILLED Prof. W.W. Heller Chosen Head of Advisory Council With 'Revitalized' Role KENNEDY DENIES DEAL WITH DILLON. Impact: Kennedy's denial of a deal with Dillon influenced future politicians to become experts in the art of dodging questions. That skill now comes in handy during every single press conference.. Fact: Did you know that denying deals is the political equivalent of saying, 'I'm not mad, just disappointed'? Spoiler: they’re always mad..
• Headline: Moscow and the Presidency. Impact: The Kremlin's charges about the 'cult of personality' in the White House contributed to a never-ending debate about how much charisma is too much, leading to a public obsession with celebrity politicians.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more dangerous than a cult of personality is a cult of mediocre TikTok influencers? At least the former have history on their side..