DECEMBER 17, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hoover and Truman Ride to Inauguration. Impact: If Truman and Hoover hadn't accepted that ride, we could have ended up with a time where former presidents refused to mingle, sparking a secret society of introverted ex-leaders who only communicated through carrier pigeons. History might have taken a much quieter turn. Fact: In a bizarre twist of fate, if these two had rejected the ride, it could have led to the 'Presidential Isolation Act,' making all former presidents swear off public appearances. Imagine a world where they just tweet instead.
• Headline: Isaac Stern Receives Prestigious Merit Award. Impact: Isaac Stern receiving an award might seem trivial, but it led to a domino effect where every college concert manager began handing out awards like candy. Soon, even your local coffee shop was giving out 'Best Barista' awards, fueling the world's obsession with certificates. Fact: Isaac Stern was so talented that if he were alive today, he’d probably be giving out merit awards to the Kardashians for their 'contributions' to music.
• Headline: TRAFFIC TIE-UPS HELD TO MINIMUM; Remoteness of One Site Plus Alternate Routes Allow Aid Vehicles to Flow. Impact: The minimal traffic tie-ups allowed aid vehicles to flow, proving that sometimes the universe conspires to keep things from turning into a full-blown episode of 'Survivor: Highway Edition.' What if the tie-ups had been catastrophic? We'd be living in a world where traffic jams were a legitimate apocalypse scenario. Fact: Traffic tie-ups are like your ex—just when you think they're gone, they come back to haunt you, but thankfully, this time they didn't cause too much chaos.
• Headline: Police Ask Data on Passengers. Impact: The police asking for passenger data could have spiraled into a dystopian future where every move is tracked. Welcome to the age of the 'Passenger Surveillance Society,' where even your grocery list is monitored. Fact: If they’d known how much data they’d be asking for in the future, they might have just asked for DNA samples at this point. Who knew policing could turn into a high-tech blood draw?.
• Headline: Dillon Appointed Secretary of Treasury; Kennedy's Brother Is Attorney General; Second Republican Gets Post in New Cabinet -- President Approves DILLON IS NAMED TREASURY CHIEF. Impact: Dillon’s appointment as Secretary of Treasury could have led to a bizarre alternate timeline where all cabinet members were chosen based on family ties, resulting in an administration of nepotism that made Game of Thrones look like child’s play. Fact: Who knew that appointing a cabinet member could be as controversial as a family reunion? Apparently, all you need is a last name and a willingness to serve.