AUGUST 28, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Notorious Impostor Shot in Yonkers Motel. Impact: The imposter's demise set off a chain reaction where every aspiring con artist in the country suddenly decided to take up knitting instead, fearing for their lives in the wild west of motels.. Fact: Despite being a man of many identities, he never managed to convince anyone that he could actually fix their plumbing..
• Headline: Japan-Russia Paper Mill Machinery Agreement. Impact: This deal led to an exponential growth in paper mill technology, which eventually resulted in the internet—because nothing says 'progress' like a paper trail leading to digital chaos.. Fact: Ironically, the only thing produced in high volume from this deal was a large stack of paperwork that no one actually read..
• Headline: Proposed Bill Alters Witness Role in Shipping. Impact: The bill's passing led to a new standard in seafaring, causing an influx of sailors who couldn't read the contracts they were signing. This eventually inspired a series of popular pirate movies!. Fact: Seamen were thrilled to learn that they would now be 'witnessing' their own misery without an official to validate their agony..
• Headline: Nixon and His Chief; President Will Let the Candidate Stake Out His Own Positions. Impact: Nixon's decision to let the candidate stake out his own positions resulted in a political free-for-all that eventually led to the invention of social media influencers—because who needs principles when you have followers?. Fact: This strategy is often referred to as 'the art of dodging accountability' in political circles..
• Headline: Of 'The Peaceable Kingdom'. Impact: The article led to a resurgence of interest in primitive art, with modern artists claiming to be inspired by Hicks while secretly just doodling on napkins.. Fact: E Hicks's work was so primitive that it was often confused with the scribbles of toddlers, which might explain the art market's current state..
• Headline: U.S. STAND HELD VITAL ON TARIFFS; Concessions Are Considered Necessary for Big Cuts at CATT Negotiations. Impact: The speculation on tariff negotiations sparked a thousand coffee-fueled debates that ultimately changed absolutely nothing, but at least gave people something to yell about.. Fact: Tariffs are basically the adult version of 'I’ll trade you my sandwich for your cookie'—but with way more paperwork..
• Headline: DEMOCRATIC SETBACK; Candidates Fall Short of Their Legislative Goals And Look Ahead to the Campaign on the Road. Impact: The Democratic setback created an eternal cycle of political defeat and hope, proving once again that in politics, the only constant is disappointment—like a bad movie sequel.. Fact: Kennedy's bills are still waiting for their moment in the sun, much like that one sock you lost in the laundry..
• Headline: Mudsill Memoir; A LONG ROW TO HOE. By Billy C. Clark. 233 pp. New York: Thomas Y. Crowell Company. $4.50.. Impact: Billy C. Clark's memoir inspired countless readers to undertake their own 'long rows to hoe,' which ultimately resulted in a national obsession with gardening—and also Netflix.. Fact: For just $4.50, you could own a book that would make you feel guilty about not achieving anything since the last time you tried to plant a seed..