AUGUST 15, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Feuer and Martin's Theatre Acquisition. Impact: If Feuer and Martin hadn't acquired the Lunt-Fontanne, Broadway might have devolved into a never-ending series of dull interpretive dance performances. We might have been left with a world where musical numbers were replaced by PowerPoint presentations.. Fact: Did you know that 'Theatre' was just a fancy way to say 'place where people pretend to be someone else for a living'? Seems like a solid career choice..
• Headline: Cancer Boy's Remarkable Survival Journey. Impact: P Haley's survival inspired a wave of determination and hope. Had he not survived, medical advancements would have likely slowed down, leading to an even darker timeline where everyone still believed leeches were an effective treatment.. Fact: It's amusing to think that a 13-year-old had a clearer vision of his future than most adults do – 'I want to be a doctor!' Who knew kids could be so ambitious?.
• Headline: Keating and Javits Support Nixon's Campaign. Impact: If Nixon had lost New York State due to some other political maneuver, we might have been spared the Watergate scandal, resulting in a timeline where political cover-ups were merely an urban legend.. Fact: Nixon's hair was once so well-coiffed it could have been a separate candidate in its own right. Vote for the hair!.
• Headline: CITY BUYING CHIEF RESIGNS HIS POST; 'HEALTH' IS CITED; Others in Department May Quit or Face Dismissal -- Inquiries Pressed CITY BUYING CHIEF RESIGNS HIS POST. Impact: This resignation likely set off a chain reaction in city governance that resulted in endless bureaucratic reshuffling, proving once again that the more things change, the more they stay the same, especially in politics.. Fact: Resigning for 'health' reasons has been the go-to excuse since the dawn of time. It's the adult version of 'my dog ate my homework.'.
• Headline: Grandmother, 65, to Ride For Britain in Olympics. Impact: Mrs. B Williams' participation in the Olympics probably inspired a generation of grandmothers everywhere to take up extreme sports, leading to an unexpected surge in elderly skydivers and bungee jumpers.. Fact: Some grandmothers bake cookies, but others decide to compete in the Olympics. Clearly, Mrs. B Williams took 'getting active' to a whole new level!.
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: The publication of 'East African Explorers' might have sparked a surge in adventure-seeking behaviors, leading to a generation of armchair explorers who decided their living rooms were just as thrilling as the jungles.. Fact: Reading about explorers is much safer than actually being one. Unless, of course, you count those questionable journeys to the kitchen for snacks..
• Headline: Helen Hayes to Head Overseas Unit. Impact: Helen Hayes leading an overseas unit might have inadvertently caused a global renaissance in the arts, where actors became the new diplomats, solving international crises with dramatic monologues.. Fact: Helen Hayes was so talented, she could probably convince a rock to audition for her next play. Who needs casting calls when you have charisma?.
• Headline: U.S. to Get Eric Coates Ms.. Impact: Acquiring Eric Coates' manuscript could have altered the trajectory of American music, resulting in a timeline where Americans embraced orchestral music instead of rock and roll. Can you imagine a world without electric guitars?. Fact: Receiving manuscripts is like getting socks for Christmas – you appreciate it, but you secretly wish for something more exciting..
• Headline: Wins Soap Box Derby at 11. Impact: F Lake's victory in the Soap Box Derby probably inspired a generation of kids to turn their childhood dreams into reality, while simultaneously leading to an alarming increase in homemade go-karts and parental heart attacks.. Fact: At 11 years old, winning a Soap Box Derby is a big deal. It’s the equivalent of a toddler winning an Oscar – incredibly impressive but completely bewildering to adults..