JUNE 21, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nixon's Inaugural Committee Formed. Impact: Nixon naming this committee initiated a long tradition of political figures forming committees, leading to an explosion in committee-related jargon, making it nearly impossible for the layperson to understand anything happening in politics. Fact: Did you know that the term 'inaugural' comes from the Latin word 'inaugurare,' which means to begin? Seems fitting, as the beginning of every new administration often feels like a circus.
• Headline: High Court Rejects Pension Plea By Man Deported as Former Red. Impact: This ruling sent shockwaves through the immigrant community, leading to a generation of people being extra cautious about their political affiliations, which resulted in a sharp decline in leftist book clubs—who knew reading could be so dangerous?. Fact: It's ironic that D.E. Nestor's case was a big deal, considering that many people wouldn't recognize a 'Red' if it danced the tango in front of them.
• Headline: Patterson Knocks Out Johansson in 5th; First to Regain the Heavyweight Title; LEFT HOOK TO JAW ENDS FIGHT IN 5TH 31,892 at Polo Grounds See Johansson Counted Out on Second Knockdown. Impact: Patterson's victory reshaped the boxing landscape, inspiring future boxers to think that regaining titles was a feasible thing—much like how people believe they can recover from disastrous relationships. Fact: Did you know that Patterson was the first heavyweight champion to regain his title? Kind of like when you accidentally delete a file but manage to recover it from the depths of your computer's trash bin.
• Headline: Family Income Rose To $5,417 Peak in '59. Impact: This income rise contributed to the illusion that the American Dream was alive and well, leading generations to chase bigger houses and fancier cars, all while forgetting to check their bank accounts. Fact: In 1959, $5,417 could buy you a lot more than it can today—like an actual house, instead of just a down payment on a studio apartment.
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: The reviews published here led to a literary culture that became obsessed with what the critics said, causing an avalanche of pretentious book clubs where people pretended to understand modernist poetry. Fact: Did you know that 'Books of The Times' could also be called 'Things to Pretend to Read So You Sound Smart at Parties'?.
• Headline: ARBITRATOR ROLE UPHELD BY COURT; High Tribunal, in 3 Rulings, Votes to Curb Interference From Federal Bench. Impact: This ruling not only reinforced the power of arbitrators but also solidified the idea that sometimes, avoiding direct confrontation is the best way to win a fight—much like office politics today. Fact: They say arbitration is like marriage counseling, but with less emotional baggage and more paperwork.
• Headline: Eaton Urges U.S. Modify Arms Plan; Eaton Urges That U.S. Revise Arms Plan to Counter Soviet. Impact: Eaton's plea for a revised arms plan led to a never-ending cycle of arms races, proving that when it comes to military strategy, one person's 'we need to change' is another's 'let's stockpile more weapons.'. Fact: Did you know that 'Eaton' sounds a bit like 'eaten'? Which is fitting since when it comes to arms races, one country always seems to 'eat' the budget.
• Headline: TRUMAN ASKS UNITY ON FOREIGN POLICY. Impact: Truman's call for unity on foreign policy only deepened the divisions that would come to define political discourse for decades, making 'unity' the most ironic buzzword in history. Fact: Truman's idea of unity is like trying to herd cats—everyone's got their own agenda, and some just want to nap.