APRIL 25, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Voter Turnout on Elections. Impact: Had the turnout favored Democrats instead, the Great Pumpkin might not have been elected in 1968, leading to a world where pumpkin spiced lattes were actually a thing of horror rather than delight.. Fact: Polling is just like predicting the weather: 50% chance of being right, and 100% chance of someone being angry about it!.
• Headline: Cuba Thanks President for Game Attendance. Impact: The President's attendance at the game inadvertently sparked a baseball craze in Cuba, leading to a never-ending rivalry between baseball and dominoes for decades.. Fact: Cuban baseball players are so good that they could probably teach a few MLB teams a thing or two about hitting a curveball. Or just about hitting..
• Headline: Majority of Youth Panel Agrees On Congress Power Over Court. Impact: This agreement set the stage for future generations to realize that Congress can veto decisions, which is basically like telling the Supreme Court, 'Nice try, but no thanks!'. Fact: Youth panels are basically just a group of people who think they know everything, but only half of them can even vote yet. Talk about confidence!.
• Headline: Costly Murmansk Pioneering Begins to Repay Soviet; MURMANSK TASK REPAYING SOVIET Soviet Drive Expands an Ice-Free Port in Arctic. Impact: The expansion of Murmansk paved the way for Arctic exploration, leading to a modern-day obsession with icebergs, penguins, and an unhealthy amount of climate change documentaries.. Fact: Murmansk is so far north that the sun doesn’t even bother to rise for half the year. It’s basically the ultimate place for people who really like their darkness..
• Headline: 3D FOE FOR FAUBUS; Hardin, Ex-Farm Leader, Is in Arkansas Primary. Impact: Had Faubus lost, Arkansas might have become a progressive utopia... or at least a slightly less confusing place to find good barbecue.. Fact: Arkansas politics are about as predictable as a game of chess played by squirrels—lots of chaos and no one really knows what’s going on..
• Headline: MEYNER WILLING TO ACCEPT DRAFT; Opens Door for Nomination to Either Spot on Ticket -- Not Active Candidate. Impact: Meyner's indecision inspired a generation of politicians to master the art of 'not really saying no,' thus birth the legendary political maneuver known as the 'maybe later.'. Fact: Accepting a draft but not being an active candidate is like saying, 'I’m totally in for the marathon, but I’ll just watch from the couch, thanks.'.
• Headline: PUBLISHERS FEEL PRESS IS GAINING; Executives Here for Week of Meetings Find Advances in News Presentation PUBLISHERS FEEL PRESS IS GAINING. Impact: This optimism led to sensationalism spiraling out of control, eventually resulting in reality TV being considered news. Thanks for that, publishers!. Fact: If you think news is sensational now, just wait until the tabloids start covering the next big cat video. That's when you know we've officially peaked..
• Headline: $53,379,441 SPENT BY CITY COLLEGES; 6 Institutions Report '58-59 Outlay on 84,000 Students. Impact: Had the city colleges spent that money more wisely, we might have reduced student debt and avoided the modern crisis of 'Why can’t I afford avocados?'. Fact: Spending over $53 million on education is great, but it’s hard to learn when half the students are still Googling 'how to adult.'.
• Headline: Khrushchev Arrives in Baku. Impact: Khrushchev's arrival sparked discussions that might have altered the course of Soviet foreign policy, potentially delaying the Cold War—had he not been so fond of making everyone uncomfortable.. Fact: Khrushchev was known for his penchant for taking off his shoe to make a point; a true pioneer in the art of passive-aggressive diplomacy!.