MARCH 25, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Truman Clarifies Stance on Sitdowns. Impact: Truman's insistence on his quotes being accurate led to a bizarre future where political figures began quoting themselves with absolute confidence. This resulted in the rise of 'self-quote' memes, forever altering the landscape of social media banter.. Fact: Did you know that Truman’s quotes have been used by high school debate teams to win arguments? Yes, because nothing screams validity like a former president’s self-references..
• Headline: Chicago's Lunar Photo Atlas Release. Impact: The publication of the Moon photo atlas sparked a race among nerds to recreate the atlas with even worse photography. This led to the invention of the selfie stick, which ironically made capturing the perfect moon shot much easier.. Fact: Fun fact: Dr. Kuiper’s atlas was so detailed that some people thought it contained treasure maps. Spoiler: it didn’t..
• Headline: Court Rejects Nolo Contendere in Trust Case. Impact: The court's denial of Nolo Contendere pleas in this case led to a strict legal precedent that made future lawyers far less creative, resulting in a boring decade for courtroom dramas. Who knew price-rigging could have such a dull legacy?. Fact: Did you know that 'Nolo Contendere' translates to 'I do not wish to contend'? Sounds like something I’d say when asked to do the dishes..
• Headline: Roll-Call Vote in Senate Tabling Rights Proposal. Impact: The Senate’s tabling of the rights proposal led to a future where people became experts in tabling issues, ultimately resulting in the rise of potlucks and other gatherings where nothing ever gets accomplished.. Fact: Did you know that 'tabling' has nothing to do with furniture? Although, given the outcome, maybe it should!.
• Headline: CITY WILL SEIZE 2 ROOMING HOUSES; One Has Violations, One Has Not -- Lesse of 104th St. Building Plans Fight. Impact: The city seizing rooming houses sparked a wave of DIY renovations across the country, leading to a future where everyone thinks they're an expert in home improvement, resulting in more Pinterest fails than ever.. Fact: Fun fact: Seizing properties is just like a bad game of Monopoly, only the stakes are real and the consequences are far more severe..
• Headline: 5 MILLION FOR MUSEUM; Mrs. Foulds' Estate Revalued -- Modern Art to Benefit. Impact: The $5 million donation for a museum set a precedent that led to museums competing with each other for the most ridiculous exhibitions. We now have a museum dedicated solely to the history of socks.. Fact: Did you know that Mrs. Foulds’ estate was revalued at $5 million? This means her modern art collection is worth more than your college education..
• Headline: Article 2 -- No Title. Impact: The demonstrations and distribution of anti-bias leaflets unintentionally inspired a future where everyone feels entitled to express their opinions on social media, resulting in endless arguments about pizza toppings.. Fact: Did you know that leafleting was once considered a radical form of protest? Now it’s just what your aunt does at family gatherings..
• Headline: Walker Fight Promoter Dies. Impact: The death of fight promoter Jas J. Frawley created a void in the boxing world, which was filled by increasingly absurd celebrity boxing matches. Thanks, Frawley, for paving the way for future 'athletes' like the Kardashians.. Fact: Ironically, Frawley was known for promoting fights that were more entertaining than most reality TV shows today..
• Headline: ASSEMBLY BACKS PARK BOND ISSUE; Authorizes Borrowing of $75,000,000 to Buy Land for Recreation. Impact: The Assembly's approval of a massive park bond issue led to a future where every city tried to outdo each other with parks, resulting in an epidemic of overly enthusiastic squirrels plotting to overthrow humans.. Fact: Did you know that the $75 million bond was enough to build a small theme park? But hey, who needs roller coasters when you have nature, right?.