FEBRUARY 5, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: Engineers Avoid Strike Over Rail-Pay Dispute. Impact: Had the engineers gone on strike, the chaos in transportation could have led to people discovering the joys of walking again, sparking a global fitness revolution. Ironically, the railways would have become less popular than bicycles.. Fact: The last time engineers struck, it resulted in a surge of yoga classes for stressed-out commuters. Who knew rail disputes could lead to downward dogs?.
• Headline: Partnership and Trust Tax Law Clarified. Impact: This bill's clarification led to a generation of accountants developing a passion for interpretative dance, as they struggled to express the nuances of tax law in more creative ways.. Fact: Tax revisions are like those awkward family reunions; no one really wants to deal with them, but they keep coming back every year..
• Headline: Insurgents Defeated in Union Vote Results. Impact: The defeat of insurgents in the union vote meant that history would not remember them as heroes but rather as a cautionary tale about the dangers of political ambition in the workplace. Every coffee break became a legend!. Fact: In union votes, insurgents often bring snacks. It’s hard to argue with a guy who offers you cookies, even if his ideas are terrible..
• Headline: WAGNER PUSHES OFF-TRACK BETS; Asks Albany Leaders to Aid City Bill -- State Proposes Steps to Curb False Ads. Impact: Had off-track betting flourished, it could have led to an entire subculture of people betting on the outcomes of mundane city meetings, because sometimes watching paint dry just isn't thrilling enough.. Fact: Off-track betting: where your financial future feels more like a game of Monopoly than actual investing..
• Headline: CITY SCHOOL AIDE SINCE '08 RETIRING; Charles Gilman, Business Officer of Board, Hailed at News Conference. Impact: Gilman's retirement set off a series of unfortunate events leading to the hiring of someone who thought 'school budgets' were just a suggestion, resulting in the Great Pencil Shortage of 1966.. Fact: Retirement parties are the only place where people celebrate your departure while silently hoping they don't have to take on your workload..
• Headline: N.Y.U. HOUSING OPPOSED; Lindsay Cites Law's Intent in Forum on 'Village' Plan. Impact: The opposition to N.Y.U. housing led to a surge in local coffee shops where students could bond over the shared misery of overpriced dorms, creating the most interesting collection of hipster poetry ever written.. Fact: NYU students have been known to write sonnets about their housing woes. Who knew rent could inspire such tragedy?.
• Headline: CIVIC ROLES STRESSED; Gruenther Says They Help Tell World of U.S.. Impact: Gruenther’s emphasis on civic roles inadvertently inspired a generation to start their own 'Civic Role Influencer' accounts on social media, revolutionizing activism with hashtags.. Fact: Civic duty has become the new 'it' thing; who needs a cape when you have a Twitter account?.
• Headline: STEVENS ALUMNI CITE 3; Awards to Be Given Tonight at Association Fete Here. Impact: This alumni event led to an unanticipated resurgence in the popularity of sweater vests, making them a staple of 'retro chic' fashion for decades to come.. Fact: Alumni awards ceremonies are just fancy ways of saying, 'We promise we’re doing something important with our lives, look at our trophies!'.
• Headline: Justice Kelley Honored Here. Impact: Justice Kelley's honor may have inspired a wave of gavel-themed decor in homes across the nation, transforming living rooms into mini-courtrooms—complete with dramatic reenactments of landmark cases.. Fact: Judges are the only people who can say they have a 'ruling' on where to eat dinner and not get kicked out of the house..