JANUARY 9, 1960

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Life of Mrs. John E. Tritsch. Impact: The legacy of Mrs. John E. Tritsch, who was probably just an ordinary woman, somehow inspired a secret society of housewives to take over the world one casserole at a time. Who knew that baking could lead to global domination?. Fact: Mrs. Tritsch may have been a simple name in the news, but she likely had the power to make or break a potluck dinner!.
• Headline: Mass Protest Against Anti-Semitism in Berlin. Impact: The 40,000 Berliners marching against neo-Nazism set off a chain reaction that eventually led to people sharing cat memes worldwide in an effort to foster love and inclusivity. Who knew that the power of protest could lead to a feline renaissance?. Fact: This protest paved the way for future generations to realize that yelling at Nazis is cool, and so is adopting a cat!.
• Headline: Italian Film Industry's Remarkable Comeback. Impact: Italian films gaining popularity led to a global obsession with spaghetti westerns which somehow caused the world to believe that all cowboys secretly wished they were Italian chefs. Pasta and revolvers, a match made in cinematic heaven!. Fact: Did you know that the first Italian film to break into the U.S. market was basically a two-hour advertisement for pasta?.
• Headline: POLICY RAID NETS 8 AT GRAND CENTRAL. Impact: The raid at Grand Central Terminal for a policy game led to an increase in underground gambling operations, eventually resulting in the creation of online poker sites. Thanks for modernizing crime, guys!. Fact: Grand Central has seen more action than most Hollywood blockbusters, and not just because of the trains!.
• Headline: NAMES REPORTED IN KEFAUVER FILE; Falk of California's Boxing Board Says They Will Be Disclosed at Inquiry. Impact: The Kefauver inquiry into the boxing world exposed the seedy underbelly of sports, ultimately leading to the invention of professional wrestling. Clearly, nothing says 'sportsmanship' like a body slam in spandex.. Fact: The NBA's struggle with leadership has been ongoing for decades; at least they have great jerseys!.
• Headline: Special Session Asked. Impact: The call for a special legislative session led to a never-ending cycle of politicking that ultimately resulted in more special sessions being called than actual laws passed. It's the gift that keeps on giving!. Fact: Special sessions are like surprise parties for politicians, except no one really wants to be there..
• Headline: CHANGES HELD PERIL TO SCHOOL AID BILL. Impact: Concerns over the school aid bill led to an ongoing struggle between politicians and educators, resulting in a generation of students who can recite the entire bill but still can't do basic math.. Fact: Sen. Hill's fears have been realized: the only thing more perilous than school funding is the state of public school lunches!.
• Headline: DAIRY PRICE PROPS TO BE CONTINUED. Impact: The dairy price props being continued led to an unexpected dairy boom, resulting in an era where cheese became the most traded commodity. Who knew cheddar could rival gold?. Fact: If only all economic policies were based on dairy; we might all be swimming in milk by now!.
• Headline: A Word From New Marine Chief And Swagger Sticks Disappear; Gen. Shoup Also Makes Plain He Frowns on Self-Pity and Apple-Polishing NEW MARINE CHIEF PASSES THE WORD. Impact: The new Marine chief's disdain for swagger sticks transformed military parades into more serious affairs, paving the way for future generations to practice their best 'no-nonsense' looks. Goodbye, flamboyant military fashion!. Fact: Swagger sticks were once seen as a symbol of authority, but just like bell-bottoms, they eventually went out of style!.
• Headline: GEOftGEELOGAN, STOCKBROKER, 78; Associate Here of Merrill Lynch DiesuEx-President of St. George's Society. Impact: The passing of stockbroker Geo H. Logan reminded everyone that financial markets are like a game of musical chairs, and eventually, someone has to sit down. Spoiler alert: it's usually the one with the least amount of money.. Fact: The stock market has survived worse than the loss of one broker — like that time it couldn't figure out how to adjust for inflation!.