AUGUST 19, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Union Talks Disrupted in Chicago Hospitals. Impact: By refusing to meet with union leaders, Chicago hospitals inadvertently sparked a decade-long series of protests that eventually led to the invention of the protest sign – paving the way for generations of creative cardboard art and Instagram influencers specializing in social justice. Fact: Unions were once seen as the epitome of rebellion. Now, they just seem like a group of people trying to get a decent lunch break.
• Headline: Hawaii's Historic Path to Statehood. Impact: Hawaii becoming the 50th state set off a chain reaction of tropical shirts becoming a fashion staple in mainland America, leading to an embarrassing number of tourists wearing them in snowstorms. Fact: Hawaii is the only U.S. state that grows coffee commercially, which means you can blame your caffeine addiction on the islands!.
• Headline: Suburban Power Conditions Survey Results. Impact: The survey on power conditions in the suburbs led to the invention of the 'suburb power struggle' – a competition among neighbors to see who could have the brightest holiday lights, ultimately leading to the annual blackout in December. Fact: Suburbs are like the quiet kids in a classroom; they may seem calm but are always plotting the next big power play.
• Headline: Mayor Says City Power Failure Underlines Need to Aid Hospital. Impact: The mayor's push to aid the hospital turned into a massive campaign that led to the founding of an entirely new department dedicated to hospital PR, which eventually resulted in hospitals being more recognized for their coffee than their healthcare. Fact: Gracie Mansion is not just a pretty face; it's basically the city's best-kept secret for fancy events that no one actually attends.
• Headline: Long Aide Ousts Policeman. Impact: The ousting of the officer for allowing the governor's wife to take him to a Texas hospital set a precedent that led to the creation of a new 'don't get caught' rulebook for future government employees, thus altering the dynamics of public service forever. Fact: In government, it's always about connections... unless you get caught. Then it's every man for himself!.
• Headline: Still Pioneering at 77; Branch Wesley Rickey. Impact: Branch Wesley Rickey's continued pioneering at the age of 77 inspired countless geriatric inventors to believe that age is just a number, leading to the creation of the senior citizen startup scene, which is basically just knitting clubs with a business plan. Fact: 77 is the new 57, right? Or is it just the age where you start forgetting what you were going to say?.
• Headline: SUGAR CARRY-OVER SET; 10% of 1959 Quota May Be Added to 1960 Amount. Impact: Setting sugar carry-over rules turned the sugar market upside down, resulting in a sweet black market where people hoarded sugar like it was gold, leading to the first 'sugar rush' crime wave. Fact: Sugar was once so valuable that it was used as currency. So next time you reach for that candy bar, remember: you're practically a millionaire!.
• Headline: INQUIRY ON U.A.W. OPENED TO PUBLIC. Impact: The U.A.W. inquiry opening to the public led to a new era of transparency in labor unions, resulting in a series of intense reality shows that pitted union leaders against each other in the ultimate negotiation showdown. Fact: Opening inquiries to the public is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let's air our dirty laundry in HD!'.
• Headline: Dempsey Steps Into Boxing Picture; Joins Group That Is Trying to Promote Johansson Fight. Impact: Dempsey's involvement in boxing promotion sparked a revival of interest in the sport, which eventually led to celebrity boxing matches – proving that fame can indeed knock you out cold. Fact: Boxing: where you can get punched in the face for a living and still call it a sport. Who knew?.