AUGUST 12, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bronx Zoo Welcomes Rare Wisents from Europe. Impact: The arrival of these wisents sparked an underground movement of animal exchange programs. If it weren't for this trade, we might have never had the emotional support prairie dogs we all needed during the 2020 pandemic.. Fact: Did you know that prairie dogs are not actually dogs? Shocking, I know. They just wanted a cool name to distract from the fact they dig holes and live in colonies, not unlike a quirky neighborhood in Brooklyn..
• Headline: House Gas Tax Proposal Gains Support. Impact: As the gas tax rose, so did the price of everything else. This led to a series of unfortunate events where families had to choose between gas and groceries—thank you, government, for keeping us on our toes!. Fact: Fun fact: 'gas tax' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's make your road trips a little less enjoyable.' Who needs vacations when you can sit in traffic and pay more for the privilege?.
• Headline: Funding Boost for Kinzua Project. Impact: The Kinzua project funding turned out to be a major catalyst for future infrastructure projects. If only Congress had the same enthusiasm for schools and hospitals. But hey, who needs educated citizens when we can build more bridges to nowhere?. Fact: Did you know that Kinzua is famous for its breathtaking views? Or maybe it just wants to be famous for all the money spent without much to show for it. Tough call!.
• Headline: KHRUSHCHEV DUE TO SPEAK AT U. N. EARLY IN SESSION; Accepts Hammarskjold Bid -- Talk to Assembly Planned for the Week of Sept. 21 HE SOUGHT PRIOR DATE Premier Expected to Spend Night at Soviet Delegation -- Security Problem Seen KHRUSHCHEV DUE TO SPEAK AT U. N.. Impact: Khrushchev's speech at the U.N. inadvertently ignited a worldwide fascination with dramatic political theater, leading to future leaders practicing their best dramatic pauses and mic-drops for decades to come. Thanks, Nikita!. Fact: Did you know that Khrushchev once banged his shoe on a table at the U.N.? Clearly, he was just trying to start a new trend in international diplomacy: 'Shoe Diplomacy.'.
• Headline: PRISON CROWDING STILL RISES HERE; Mrs. Kross' 1958 Report Shows 10,423 Increase in Those Held in Jail. Impact: The rise in prison crowding became a driving force for reform movements. A few decades later, someone had the bright idea to call it 'the prison industrial complex.' Because who doesn’t want to profit off of overcrowding?. Fact: Did you know that overcrowded jails are like high school parties? Too many people, not enough snacks, and everyone ends up regretting their life choices..
• Headline: MAYOR APPOINTS 3 TO STRENGTHEN SLUM COMMITTEE; McMurray, Butt and Straus Chosen -- Title I Group to Meet Today on Overhaul. Impact: The mayor's appointment to the Slum Committee inspired a wave of committees that did very little. It was a classic case of 'let's look busy while achieving absolutely nothing.'. Fact: Did you know that 'slum clearance' sounds much nicer than 'let’s bulldoze everything and hope for the best'? Just a little rebranding can go a long way!.
• Headline: Volunteers Help Paint New Neighborhood House. Impact: Volunteers painting a neighborhood house may have seemed trivial, but it laid the groundwork for community organizing. Who knew that a fresh coat of paint could inspire future community leaders? The revolution will not be televised, but it will be painted!. Fact: Did you know that volunteer painting is basically just an excuse for people to avoid actual work? 'Oh, I'm busy helping the community, can’t you see?'.
• Headline: MAYOR WILL SIGN NEW ETHICS CODE; Estimate Board Acts Aug. 20 -- Wagner Avoids Clash With Jack on Car Tags. Impact: The mayor's new ethics code helped pave the way for future political scandals. Nothing says 'trust me' like a freshly signed ethics code that will be ignored within weeks.. Fact: Did you know that ethics codes are like speed limits? Everyone agrees they're a good idea, but nobody really follows them, especially when there's a donut shop nearby!.
• Headline: CUBA SAID TO HOLD 4,500 AS PLOTTERS; Castro Acts Against Major Conspiracy -- Army Post Reported Under Attack. Impact: Castro's crackdown on plotters solidified his regime's grip on power, setting the stage for decades of political tension. The butterfly effect here is that Cuba became a hot topic for every college student's political science paper for generations.. Fact: Did you know that Cuba has more vintage cars than any other country? It's the only place where you can find classic American cars and revolutionary fervor in the same block!.