AUGUST 8, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Polio Cases Rise in New York Areas. Impact: The slight rise in paralytic polio cases in Upstate NY and Long Island led to an unexpected surge in the popularity of 'Polio Parties', where parents deliberately exposed their children to the virus, thinking it would build immunity. This misguided trend created an underground economy of 'Polio Party Planners' in the 1950s. Thanks, science!. Fact: Did you know that polio can be traced back to ancient Egypt? It seems that the ancients were also quite fond of leaving us with health crises to solve centuries later..
• Headline: Rev. James S. West: A Legacy Remembered. Impact: The death of Rev. James S. West not only marked the end of an era in Baptist leadership but also inadvertently spurred a bizarre fascination with conducting funeral rites for famous figures, leading to a future industry of celebrity funeral planners. Thanks for making it weird, Rev. West.. Fact: Interestingly, Rev. West officiated the funeral for President Harding, who was said to have been the most scandal-ridden president of his time. Clearly, West had a knack for navigating political messes..
• Headline: Reuther Critiques Eisenhower's Labor Stance. Impact: Reuther's criticism of Eisenhower's plea led to a series of events that eventually resulted in the formation of the 'Union Hall of Fame', where all the ignored labor leaders of the past are now celebrated with their own collectible action figures. Who knew labor strife could lead to such a lucrative toy line?. Fact: Fun fact: The Landrum-Griffin bill was designed to curb corruption in labor unions, but instead, it just made everyone in politics look even more corrupt. A true win-win!.
• Headline: The Labor Bills. Impact: The labor bills, which were supposed to reform the workplace, instead created a bizarre game of political musical chairs that left everyone confused and no one actually better off. If only they had just played charades instead.. Fact: Eisenhower's administration was so cozy with corporate interests that some historians claim he could have been the original inspiration for 'The Wolf of Wall Street'—if only he had access to a yacht..
• Headline: CLINTON PORTRAIT VANISHES UNSUNG; After 84 Years It's Replaced on Cigarette Packs by Drab Blue Stamps. Impact: The disappearance of Clinton's portrait from cigarette packs sparked a nationwide debate about whether society should replace historical figures with drab blue stamps. This led to the eventual invention of the 'Cigarette History' podcast, where hosts discuss the implications of marketing tobacco with a side of existential dread.. Fact: In case you were wondering, cigarette packaging was once a canvas for art, because nothing says 'health' like a smoking Abraham Lincoln!.
• Headline: CITY BUILDERS HIT INCINERATOR CODE; New Interpretation of Rules Against Pollution Applied Unfairly, They Believe GREENBURG BACKS MOVE Says Old Regulations Were Only Clarified -- Offers to Discuss Rejections. Impact: The builders' pushback against the new incinerator code led to a secret society of builders who met in basements to discuss all things pollution, eventually resulting in the underground movement of 'Green Builders'—which ironically just made them more popular.. Fact: Greenburg's defense of the stricter code was so strong that it inspired a new career path: 'Incinerator Code Consultant'. Who knew pollution laws could launch an entirely new job market?.
• Headline: COLLEGE FOR ROCKLAND; 2-Year Community Institution Will Open in September. Impact: The opening of a new 2-year community college in Rockland sparked a chain reaction that led to a nationwide trend of community colleges being built in places with absolutely no need for them. Thanks to this, a lot of aspiring students learned the hard way that 'community' doesn't mean 'skills'.. Fact: Community colleges have a unique ability to turn 'I just want to get a degree' into 'I just want to figure out what I'm doing with my life'—a real educational enigma!.
• Headline: SECTARIAN STRESS IN CLASSROOM HIT; Church-State Separation Is Cited to Jewish Veterans -- Sunday Laws Assailed. Impact: The sectarian stress in classrooms led to a rise in the number of people who began identifying as 'spiritual but not religious', resulting in a booming market for self-help books and anti-establishment coffee shops. Because nothing screams enlightenment like overpriced lattes.. Fact: The debate over church-state separation became so convoluted that it eventually became a popular theme for reality TV shows—because who doesn’t love watching theological debates over brunch?.
• Headline: College Getting New Name. Impact: Renaming the Pacific Bible College led to a series of bizarre name changes for educational institutions around the country. This trend culminated in the infamous 'University of Unnecessary Name Changes', which ultimately confused everyone involved.. Fact: Institutions are notorious for their name changes, but let's be real: they just want to keep their current students guessing about their identities!.
• Headline: Voting in Nation's Capital. Impact: Sen. Hartke's call for home rule in the nation's capital resulted in a series of political debates that would go on to spark the creation of an entire genre of political satire, which made everyone more cynical and less likely to vote. A true democratic achievement!. Fact: Voting in the nation's capital has been a hot topic for so long that it could probably run for office itself—if only it could find a way to register..