JULY 4, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ancient Astarte Statue Discovered in Jordan. Impact: The discovery of Astarte's head led to a sudden increase in interest in ancient deities, sparking a series of odd cults dedicated to the goddess of love and war. Fast forward a few millennia, and you have hipsters brewing artisanal Astarte-themed kombucha.. Fact: Did you know that Astarte is often associated with the planet Venus? So, next time you see a particularly romantic couple, just know they might be channeling a 4,700-year-old deity..
• Headline: Tribute to Influential Theatre Figure Harry Kline. Impact: Kline's death triggered a moment of silence in theaters across the nation, leading to an unexpected revival of interest in vaudeville. This ultimately resulted in the creation of a highly questionable musical about his life that was tragically underfunded.. Fact: Harry Kline was such a big deal that his associates probably had more drama than a soap opera. I mean, who needs Netflix when you have the lives of theatre figures?.
• Headline: U.S. Initiative for Global Legal Standards. Impact: This headline ignited a series of international meetings that ultimately led to the creation of a global law library, where every lawyer in the world now spends their weekends. Spoiler alert: It's mostly just dusty books.. Fact: World Law? Sounds like a fancy way of saying 'let's argue about everything internationally' while sipping overpriced coffee..
• Headline: CASTRO RULES OUT ANY FOREIGN HAND IN CUBAN AFFAIRS; Bars U. S. or International Action -- O.A.S. to Look Into Dominican Charge CASTRO RULES OUT U. S. INTERVENTION. Impact: Castro's strong stance against foreign intervention not only solidified his grip on power in Cuba but also inspired countless college students to write papers on how to be stubborn in political matters for generations to come.. Fact: Castro's aversion to foreign intervention was like a toddler refusing to share their toys. Only, in this case, the toys were entire countries..
• Headline: FRED CORWEY DIES HERE; Musical Clown of Vaudeville Had Worked for N. B. C.. Impact: Fred Corwey's passing marked the end of an era in vaudeville, which created a ripple effect that resulted in the rise of painfully unfunny internet memes, as the world struggled to fill the clown-shaped void in their hearts.. Fact: Fred Corwey was so talented that even his clown shoes had a fan club. Sadly, they were the only ones laughing when he passed..
• Headline: MICHAEL FORASTIERE. Impact: Forastiere's name being in the news led to a sudden surge in people trying to pronounce it correctly, resulting in a small yet passionate community dedicated to linguistic education.. Fact: Michael Forastiere: the name that has caused more tongue twisters than a speech therapy class..
• Headline: CITY NAMES PANEL TO STUDY CAB TAX; 5-Man Group to Determine If Levy Hurts Industry CITY NAMES PANEL TO STUDY CAB TAX. Impact: The formation of this panel resulted in an avalanche of studies that ultimately confirmed what everyone already knew: taxes are annoying, and cab drivers have the patience of saints.. Fact: A five-man panel to study a cab tax? Sounds like the ultimate 'let's overthink this' committee. Next up: a roundtable on the emotional impact of traffic lights..