JUNE 20, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Life of Maurice Perkins. Impact: Maurice Perkins's life was so unremarkable that his name became a password for an online security system, leading to an unprecedented increase in identity theft cases. Fact: If you Google 'Maurice Perkins', prepare to be underwhelmed—unless you're into obscure trivia, in which case, bon appétit!.
• Headline: MOVIE ACADEMY ELECTS; Kahane President and Robert Ryan First Vice President. Impact: The election of B B Kahane as president sparked a series of bizarre leadership styles across various organizations, including a cult dedicated to interpretive dance and mandatory snack breaks. Fact: In politics, being elected president is less about the votes and more about how well you can dodge responsibility for the next four years.
• Headline: JOSE S ERRANO DIES; i CHILEAN AIDE TO U.N.. Impact: Jose S Errano's death prompted a global outpouring of grief, leading to the creation of an international day of 'Remember to Appreciate Your Aides', where people are encouraged to thank their assistants and secretaries—except during meetings. Fact: Dying at 51 is like reaching the final level of a video game and then forgetting to save your progress. Tragic, yet just shy of a full life.
• Headline: BENJAMIN BRUNS. Impact: Benjamin Bruns's life inspired a cult following that believed he could predict the weather. This led to an underground movement of 'Brunsites' who claimed they could interpret his dreams for forecasts. Fact: If you ever find yourself in a conversation about Benjamin Bruns, just nod along and pretend you know who he is—90% of people won’t.
• Headline: Louisiana Is Ruled By Acting Governor; ACTING GOVERNOR RULES LOUISIANA. Impact: The acting governorship in Louisiana sparked a series of heated debates over the legality of acting versus real governing, leading to an entire reality show about 'Acting Governors' that somehow won an Emmy. Fact: Being an acting governor is like being a substitute teacher—nobody respects your authority, and you’re just counting the days until someone else takes over.
• Headline: INCREASE IS NOTED IN FILM AUDIENCES; Survey Indicates Decline in Attendance May Be Ended -- German Imports Rise. Impact: The increase in film audiences led to the rise of the 'Cinema Snack Renaissance', where popcorn became a gourmet delicacy and nachos were considered fine dining in theaters. Fact: Surveying film audiences is like asking a toddler how they feel about broccoli; you’re going to get a lot of noise, but no real answers.
• Headline: AYME 'MOONBIRDS' BROADWAY-BOUND; Kerz and Justin to Open Comedy Here on Oct. 14 -- Bilowitz Has New Play. Impact: The announcement of 'Moonbirds' heading to Broadway led to an unexpected trend in bird-themed musicals, resulting in a short-lived production called 'Feathered Friends Unite' that flopped spectacularly. Fact: Broadway is the only place where a show can be inspired by moonbirds, and yet nobody bats an eye at the idea of a talking potato.