MAY 3, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Reflecting on Truman's Leadership at 75. Impact: After Truman's candid reflections at 75, future politicians realized that sharing their thoughts might just increase their chances of appearing on talk shows. Truman's musings eventually lead to every politician needing a ghostwriter and a podcast. Fact: Did you know Truman once famously said, 'If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen?' Ironically, he spent his last years in a climate-controlled home, avoiding all types of heat.
• Headline: Innovations in Insulin Shock Therapy. Impact: The introduction of insulin shock therapy kicked off a medical revolution where every medical professional became a part-time chef, mixing up 'delicious' therapies that would have patients questioning if they were in a hospital or a cooking show. Fact: Did you know that insulin was originally discovered in dogs? So, while we were busy treating humans, dogs were just chillin' with their newfound fame.
• Headline: Crown Village Library Expansion Project. Impact: The expansion of libraries in Long Island sparked a nationwide trend of people actually reading books instead of just pretending to have read them at parties. Thanks, L.I. library!. Fact: Did you know the first 'books' were actually clay tablets? So much for the 'newest' technology!.
• Headline: Wheaton Dedicates Buildings. Impact: The dedication of buildings at Wheaton started a trend where every college felt the need to dedicate something every week, from benches to entire departments, just to get their names on the map. Fact: Did you know that dedicating buildings was once a subtle way of saying 'Look, we're important!'? Now it’s just a weekly occurrence.
• Headline: Walkout at Railway Express. Impact: The wildcat strike at Railway Express caused a ripple effect that led to every employee in the U.S. believing they could simply walk out whenever they felt like it, leading to the birth of 'Casual Friday' and eventually 'Every Day is Casual Day'. Fact: Did you know that wildcat strikes are named for their unpredictable nature? Much like your average cat, they just show up and cause chaos.
• Headline: 2D LINE GETS AID FOR SEAWAY USE; U.S. Approves Subsidy for Overseas Freighters of American Export Line. Impact: The U.S. subsidy for overseas freighters set the stage for future subsidies that would ultimately lead to the phrase 'too big to fail' being invented, which would then lead to a series of economic disasters. Thanks a lot, maritime industry!. Fact: Did you know that maritime subsidies are basically the government saying, 'Here, take our money and please don’t sink?'.
• Headline: U.N. Chief Offers Forum For Berlin Issue to Big 4; U. N. CHIEF OFFERS FORUM ON BERLIN. Impact: Hammarskjold's suggestion for a U.N. forum on Berlin led to countless diplomatic meetings that achieved absolutely nothing, proving that sometimes, talking is just a clever way to avoid taking action. Fact: Did you know the U.N. was created to prevent wars? So far, it’s been really good at just organizing them!.
• Headline: Car Device Passes Its Sea Tests; Autos Held Securely on Freighter Deck, Line Reports. Impact: The successful testing of the 'Seasafes' device meant that in the future, shipping companies would finally stop losing cars at sea, leading to a drastic decrease in oceanic vehicle graveyards. Fact: Did you know that many ships are just floating graveyards for cars? Not as glamorous as it sounds.
• Headline: FROM FOREIGN LANDS; Brigitte Bardot and 'Aparajito' Make For Interest on Local Screens. Impact: The interest generated by Brigitte Bardot and 'Aparajito' on local screens established a benchmark that all future celebrities would compare themselves to, resulting in a never-ending cycle of fame and despair in Hollywood. Fact: Did you know that 'Aparajito' means 'Unconquered'? I guess Hollywood just never got the memo!.