APRIL 22, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bankers Donate to Rutgers University. Impact: The generous donation from bankers to Rutgers not only helped build a dining hall but also led to an influx of students who would later go on to create the world's most ridiculous college memes. Who knew investing in carbs would lead to the rise of internet humor?. Fact: Fun fact: This $600,000 donation could have bought 15,000 pizzas at the time. Just imagine the late-night study sessions!.
• Headline: Tragic Car Crash Claims Farm Official. Impact: The tragic car crash that claimed Herbert W. Voorhees' life sent shockwaves through the farming community, sparking debates on road safety that eventually led to the establishment of stricter traffic laws. His legacy lives on in the speed bumps you love to hate.. Fact: Herbert W. Voorhees was not just any farm official; he was known for his passionate speeches about crop rotation. Because nothing says 'party' like a discussion on corn yields!.
• Headline: US Bars Red Army Chorus Performance. Impact: By rejecting the Red Army Chorus, the U.S. not only avoided a uniform-related uproar but also ensured that future Broadway shows would be blessedly free of military attire. Who knew a chorus line could alter the course of fashion history?. Fact: The real reason for the rejection? The U.S. was just jealous that the Red Army could harmonize while wearing uniforms that weren't even on sale at their local department store..
• Headline: SECRECY ON DATA CHARGED TO NAVY; Controller General Says It Bars Congressional Audit by Inadequate Reports. Impact: The Navy's secrecy ultimately paved the way for the rise of conspiracy theories. If only they had shared their data, perhaps the alien enthusiasts would be less convinced that the Pentagon is hiding UFOs under the ocean.. Fact: The Controller General's complaints led to more transparency, though we all know that 'transparency' is just a fancy way of saying, 'Good luck finding the information you need!'.
• Headline: BROOKLYN PICKED FOR CHURCH TEST; Nazarene Parish to Set Up Social Work Pilot Project for Congregationalists. Impact: The pilot project in Brooklyn turned out to be the breeding ground for many social initiatives that would shape community service practices across the country. Who knew a small church could have such a ripple effect?. Fact: The $30,000 budget was probably just enough to fund a month's worth of coffee for volunteers. Priorities, people!.
• Headline: CANADA'S TRADE GAP SHOWS A WIDENING. Impact: Canada's widening trade gap led to the future creation of 'Canadian stereotypes' about being polite while simultaneously being broke. Thanks for the laughs, eh?. Fact: Imports rising and exports dropping? Sounds like my bank account after a shopping spree at the local Maple Leaf store!.
• Headline: ARGENTINE SHOT AS TERROR GROWS; Policeman Guarding Reds' Office Wounded -- Bomb Injures a Woman. Impact: The violence in Argentina set off alarm bells that echoed through the decades, influencing international policies and the way countries address civil unrest. A sad reminder that history often repeats itself with an encore.. Fact: Bombs and injuries may not be the most entertaining news, but at least they remind us that things could always get worse—like, say, a surprise sequel to a bad movie..
• Headline: Panama Sets Ouster For Margot Fonteyn; PANAMA MAY OUST MARGOT FONTEYN. Impact: Margot Fonteyn's potential ousting from Panama created a cultural stir that led to future artists reconsidering their involvement in politically charged situations, thus sparking a movement where dancers would forever prefer to stick to stage drama rather than political drama.. Fact: Fonteyn's ousting was probably just the government’s way of saying, 'We can't handle your fabulousness right now!'.
• Headline: U.S. FAMILY INCOME UP; Half of Them Earned More Than $5,050 in 1958. Impact: The increase in family income in the U.S. led to a brief period where middle-class families thought they could actually afford avocado toast without breaking the bank. Spoiler: they were wrong.. Fact: The Commerce Department's report was probably the first time anyone realized that 'family income' doesn't include the money you find stuck in the couch cushions..