APRIL 7, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Soviet Travel Restrictions Eased. Impact: When the USSR decided to let foreigners travel a bit more freely, it inadvertently led to a series of Soviet tourists bringing back questionable fashion trends that would eventually cause the downfall of sensible clothing in the 80s. Thanks a lot, Boris.. Fact: Did you know that before this, the only foreign travelers the Soviets allowed were spies? Talk about a travel ban!.
• Headline: RAF Denies Involvement in Maldive Killings. Impact: The RAF denying the killings sparked a worldwide conspiracy theory that they were actually training pigeons to become their top secret assassins. In the alternate timeline, every pigeon is now a licensed government agent.. Fact: Fun fact: The RAF's favorite excuse for any mishap is still 'the dog ate my homework.'.
• Headline: Windhorn Named Top Rookie of Spring. Impact: Windhorn's rookie award led to a mysterious spike in the production of baseball caps, as fans everywhere started wearing them in hopes of channeling his power. Today, it's a multi-billion dollar industry – all thanks to one rookie.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing younger than Windhorn was the number of people who actually cared about baseball in the 50s?.
• Headline: Batista and Aides Called. Impact: Batista's summons to return wages sparked a movement among politicians worldwide to start repaying their constituents...as if. This led to a time where politicians were known for their honesty – in a parallel universe where unicorns exist.. Fact: The last time a politician returned money was when they accidentally got change for a $20 bill. So, don't hold your breath..
• Headline: 855 ARMED KURDS GO THROUGH SUEZ. Impact: Those 855 armed Kurds sailing through the Suez were the original influencers. Their journey led to the creation of the 'armed travel blogger' phenomenon, which would later be parodied in countless memes. You know, those ones with 'adventure awaits!'. Fact: Fun fact: The Suez Canal has seen more drama than a reality TV show – and with fewer commercial breaks..
• Headline: DALAI LAMA WAITS FOR INDIA'S PLANS; Rests at Monastery While New Delhi Sends Envoy to Discuss the Future. Impact: The Dalai Lama's wait for India's plans caused a cosmic shift in patience levels worldwide, giving rise to yoga classes that focused on 'waiting' techniques. Now, people everywhere can meditate on their procrastination.. Fact: Fun fact: The Dalai Lama has waited longer for India’s plans than anyone has waited for a new season of their favorite TV show..
• Headline: Belgian Congo Plant Delayed. Impact: The delay in the Belgian Congo Plant caused a series of unfortunate events leading to the invention of the phrase 'better late than never' which is now used to justify why you still haven’t finished that project from last year.. Fact: Did you know that the Belgian Congo is also where people discovered that patience is a virtue – one that very few possess?.
• Headline: THAIS PAY HOMAGE TO ROYAL DYNASTY; Reverence to Kings Shows Firm Hold of Monarchy Upon the Nation. Impact: The Thais’ homage to their royal dynasty inadvertently inspired a global trend in monarchy-themed reality shows, leading to the rise of 'Keeping Up with the Kings'. Who knew royalty could be so relatable?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more revered than the royal family in Thailand is the royal family’s Instagram account?.