APRIL 6, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Communist Revolt in Sikang Province. Impact: This revolt led to a series of power shifts in China, which ultimately influenced global communism. If those 10,000 troops had just stayed home and binge-watched soap operas, who knows how many less revolutions we'd have today? Perhaps the world would have gotten a little less chaotic, or at least a lot more melodramatic. Fact: The Khamba rebels were not just fighting for freedom; they were also trying to set a world record for the most dramatic revolts in history. Spoiler alert: they succeeded.
• Headline: Peruvian Oil Prices Under Scrutiny. Impact: The negotiations over oil prices in Peru set a precedent for corporate influence in government, leading to future oil crises that would make everyone reconsider their choice of vehicle. Thank you, oil companies, for making our planet a little greasier—literally. Fact: The International Petroleum Co Ltd's annual report likely contained more twists than a telenovela. Who knew a company could be so riveting?.
• Headline: Charlotte Paper Acquisition by Knight Chain. Impact: This sale initiated a cycle of media consolidation that would eventually lead to the rise of clickbait headlines and the decline of actual news. Thanks for the 'Morning Observer'—the world needed more distractions. Fact: B.S. Griffith's appointment as editor and general manager probably meant he had to deal with more drama than a soap opera plot twist. Good luck, B.S.!.
• Headline: Economist Projects U. S. Budget Rises Of 10 Billion by '64; ECONOMIST SEES U. S. BUDGET RISE. Impact: This projection laid the groundwork for future budget debates, which became the favorite pastime of U.S. politicians. Who needs sports when you have bipartisan budget bickering?. Fact: O. Eckstein's study might have been more accurate if they just threw darts at a board of numbers. It probably would have been less painful to watch.
• Headline: Many Fly to New Delhi. Impact: The Dalai Lama's journey through Towang became a symbol of the Tibetan struggle, inspiring future generations to seek peace and self-determination. If only air travel had been as easy back then as it is now, perhaps he would have taken a few more layovers. Fact: At this point in history, fly was just a verb. Today, it’s also a way to describe how far our patience goes when dealing with airport security.
• Headline: DEMOCRATIC UNIT CENSURES G. O. P. ON JOBLESS TOTAL; Advisers See 'Disgracefully High Amount' -- Mitchell Predicts Decline in Rolls. Impact: This censure kicked off a never-ending cycle of political blame, which we now know as 'the blame game.' It’s like the Olympics, but with less athleticism and more finger-pointing. Fact: The 'Disgracefully High Amount' referred to by advisers could also describe the number of times politicians have promised to fix the economy but instead just fixed their hair for TV appearances.
• Headline: PRINTERS SEEKING WELFARE CHANGE; Demand Self-Insurance for Fund -- Publishers Oppose It as Unwarranted Risk. Impact: This demand for self-insurance sowed seeds of corporate self-sufficiency that would grow into a forest of red tape and confusion, leading to countless future meetings that could have been emails. Fact: Publishers opposing self-insurance probably had nightmares about printers becoming their own insurance agents. Can you imagine the paperwork?.
• Headline: S.A.C. Chief Reports Lag In U. S. Deterrent Might; General Power Says He Needs More Bombers and Missiles -- Norstad Moderates Retaliation Policy. Impact: This report led to an arms race that would escalate tensions throughout the Cold War, reminding us that sometimes, having more toys is not the answer, especially when those toys can cause mass destruction. Fact: General Power must have felt like a kid in a candy store—except the candy was bombs, and the store was on the edge of annihilation. Such a sweet deal!.