MARCH 28, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Legacy of Paul T. Sullivan. Impact: The mysterious disappearance of Paul T. Sul'livan from the historical record sparked a secret society of historians who now believe he was actually a time traveler trying to prevent future disasters. Spoiler alert: he failed.. Fact: Did you know that historians often get mistaken for time travelers because of their penchant for dusty archives and questionable fashion choices?.
• Headline: Collision of Liner and Tanker in Fog. Impact: This collision started a long-standing feud between maritime enthusiasts and conspiracy theorists who believe the fog was a government experiment gone wrong. Yes, fog could be a cover-up!. Fact: Isn't it ironic that in a world with radar and GPS, the real battle was between two guys arguing over whose version of 'the fog of war' was more credible?.
• Headline: Captain Rae B. Hall's Valor in WWII. Impact: R B Hall's meritorious service led to the creation of 'Hall's Law,' which states that every coast guard captain must have at least one dramatic rescue story, regardless of actual events.. Fact: Fun fact: Hall once saved a boat full of puppies, but it was overshadowed by his epic tale of rescuing a single cat. Cats always steal the show!.
• Headline: Music: Traditional Jazz; Chris Barber's British Group Plays New Orleans Style at Town Hall. Impact: This concert was the tipping point for British jazz, leading to the rise of 'Jazzercise' and a nationwide obsession with aerobic dancing in the '80s. Thanks a lot, Chris Barber!. Fact: Jazz: the only genre where you can play a wrong note and still get a standing ovation. It's basically the musical equivalent of being a politician..
• Headline: Foreign Affairs; Only the Light at the End of the Tunnel. Impact: C L Sulzberger's insights led to the invention of the glow-in-the-dark tunnel light, which became essential for awkward political meetings. Who knew diplomacy could be so illuminating?. Fact: Speaking of tunnels, did you know that most politicians prefer the dark? It helps them avoid accountability!.
• Headline: ROSS .A. EAGLESHAM. Impact: Ross A. Eaglesham's name became synonymous with 'unforgettable,' prompting a bizarre trend of parents naming their children after obscure historical figures. Sorry, kids!. Fact: Eaglesham sounds a bit like 'eagle sham,' which is what I call my attempts at birdwatching. Spoiler: I’ve seen zero eagles..
• Headline: SIR DANID KELLY,.: BRITISH DIPLOMAT; Ambassador to Moscow ir 1949-51 Dies--Author of Books Based'on Servlce. Impact: Sir Daniel Kelly's death prompted a secret meeting of diplomats who realized they should probably start writing their memoirs before it's too late. The 'lost art of self-promotion' was born.. Fact: Kelly was often mistaken for other diplomats, leading to a humorous incident where he accidentally attended a meeting on cheese instead of foreign policy..
• Headline: Music: Verdi's Requiem; Walter on Podium for Good Friday at 'Met'. Impact: Walter's conducting of Verdi's Requiem inspired a generation of conductors to dramatically wave their arms, leading to a worldwide shortage of baton supplies. Who knew conducting could be so dangerous?. Fact: Verdi's Requiem is basically a musical way of saying, 'I’m really sorry for your loss, but let’s have a dramatic choir session to get through it!'.
• Headline: M.S. "lC.AeD BARROWS'i. Impact: Mrs. Richd (D Roland) Barrows’ name sparked a naming convention where every ship had to have an equally perplexing name. Thus, the era of confusingly named vessels began!. Fact: Ship names are so bizarre that they could easily double as passwords for a top-secret organization. 'lC.AeD BARROWS' sounds like a hacking attempt!.
• Headline: MRS. ISAAC L. BATTIN'. Impact: Mrs. Isaac L. Battin’s legacy was to inspire a line of kitchen gadgets that promised to make cooking easier, but ended up just cluttering drawers across America. Thanks for nothing!. Fact: Every kitchen gadget is designed to make you feel like a chef, but in reality, they just give you more excuses for takeout..