MARCH 26, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Life of Warner J. Montague. Impact: Warner J. Montague's name was forever etched into the annals of time, leading to the creation of Montague Day, an inexplicably popular holiday where absolutely nothing happens, yet everyone celebrates it with a day off work.. Fact: Did you know Montague's name was almost replaced with 'Bob the Builder'? Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed..
• Headline: City Increases Uniformed Pay by $200. Impact: The city's $200 increase to uniformed pay sparked a revolution that led to the creation of the world's first 'Uniformed Pay League,' where cops and firemen compete to see who can complain the loudest about their salaries.. Fact: Fun fact: $200 in 1961 is roughly equivalent to a single cup of coffee in today's economy..
• Headline: New Haven's Transition to Welded Rail. Impact: The replacement of old rails with welded types inadvertently led to an underground movement of rail enthusiasts who swore they'd build a time machine powered by the 'clack' of old trains. Spoiler: they failed.. Fact: Did you know that the sound of clacking rails was once considered the soundtrack of the future? Now it’s just background noise in a train station..
• Headline: Overseas Investing Co. Fills Presidential Post. Impact: H H Patton's presidency at Overseas Investing Co. marked the beginning of a series of questionable investment decisions that led to the creation of the infamous 'Patton Portfolio'—a collection of stocks that nobody should ever buy.. Fact: Did you know the only thing more unstable than the stock market in the '60s was Patton's hairstyle?.
• Headline: RAILROAD CRITICIZED; Connecticut Report Cites Lag on Repairs by New Haven. Impact: The Connecticut report on the New Haven railroad sparked a national debate on transportation efficiency, which eventually resulted in the invention of the 'railroad apology,' a formalized way for railroads to say, 'Oops, our bad!'. Fact: Fun fact: The lag in repairs was so pronounced that some trains began offering guided tours of their own dilapidated interiors..
• Headline: CONNECTICUT BILL ON COURTS PASSES; Measure Will Abolish City and Town Courts Dating From the 17th Century. Impact: The abolition of city and town courts from the 17th century opened up the floodgates for new forms of legal wrangling, including the rise of 'online courtrooms' where everyone argues their case via memes.. Fact: Did you know that the 17th-century courts were known for their questionable wigs rather than their judgment?.
• Headline: PLAY STIRS BYRNES TO MEMORY OF '44; He Talks Without Bitterness of Vice Presidential Bid on Seeing 'Campobello'. Impact: Joseph Nadler's passing led to an outpouring of nostalgia that caused several history books to be rewritten, forever memorializing him as the unsung hero of 'slightly important decisions' during his tenure.. Fact: Fun fact: Nadler's favorite pastime was making sandwiches—he was known as the 'Sandwich Commander' among his friends..
• Headline: JOSEPH NADLER_______j, 65, DIES; Former Deputy Commander. Impact: C F Hood's pledge to avoid a rise in something (we're still not sure what) became the basis for countless political campaigns across the nation, each one promising to 'keep things from rising'—like prices, expectations, and interest in politics.. Fact: Did you know that ‘Article 4’ was actually the title of a book that nobody wanted to read, much like this headline?.