MARCH 8, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: US-Canada Nuclear Arms Agreement. Impact: When the U.S. and Canada decided to let Canada have a say in nuclear arms, it set off a chain reaction. Fast forward a few decades, and every Canadian kid grew up thinking they could negotiate the terms of their own ice hockey matches on a national level. Who knew nuclear strategy could inspire future hockey negotiations?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'nuclear family' was originally a plan for a family living in a fallout shelter? Just kidding, it's not, but it does sound like a sitcom pitch..
• Headline: Tragedy of Methyl Alcohol in Monterrey. Impact: The methyl alcohol incident in Mexico led to a sudden surge in public awareness about industrial safety regulations. Unfortunately, the only safety measure that gained traction was the invention of fancy cocktail names, because why not just drink responsibly while being witty?. Fact: Did you know that drinking industrial alcohol is not actually a recommended way to spice up your life? Who would've thought?.
• Headline: B. Werner Wins U.S. Slalom Championship. Impact: B Werner's slalom victory made him a household name, inspiring a generation of kids to take up skiing. This ultimately led to the birth of ski-themed reality shows, where contestants tumble down slopes for fame instead of medals. Way to go, B.. Fact: Did you know that slalom skiing is basically just a fancy way of saying, 'I'm really good at dodging trees?'.
• Headline: THE NATION. Impact: The comment on Pioneer IV made people think space exploration was just a cool hobby. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to the creation of every sci-fi movie trope ever, including the classic 'aliens are just misunderstood.'. Fact: Did you know that Pioneer IV was the first spacecraft to send back data from beyond the Moon? It also sent back a heartfelt apology for the mess humans made down here..
• Headline: Jim Bostwick Wins Court Tennis Title; KNOX IS DEFEATED IN AMATEUR FINAL. Impact: Jim Bostwick's court tennis triumph inspired a surge in interest for the sport, leading to a dramatic increase in the number of posh country clubs and the emergence of a new breed of 'court tennis elitists' who refer to everyone else as 'the unwashed masses.'. Fact: Did you know court tennis is the only sport where you can lose points for not being posh enough? Just kidding, but it sure feels that way!.
• Headline: 1,300 MILES OF AFRICA IN NINE DAYS. Impact: The 1,300-mile car trip across Central Africa sparked an obsession with road trips that would later inspire countless songs, memes, and the phrase 'Are we there yet?' to haunt parents forever. Thanks a lot, adventurous traveler.. Fact: Did you know that 1,300 miles is approximately the distance from New York to Miami? That's a lot of road snacks and bathroom breaks!.
• Headline: INFILTRATOR KILLED ON ISRAELI BORDER. Impact: The clash on the Israeli border led to heightened tensions that unfortunately inspired a new genre of music: 'war ballads' that glorified conflicts and made everyone question why they weren't just singing about puppies instead.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'infiltrator' sounds like a spy movie character but is really just someone trying to sneak into a place to steal snacks?.
• Headline: TRENCH BEING DUG FOR PIPELINE HERE; Trunk to Bring Natural Gas From Texas to Brooklyn and L. I. by Next Fall. Impact: The natural gas pipeline project became a symbol of humanity's struggle to get energy from point A to point B, leading to decades of pipelines being built while everyone forgot to ask if anyone actually wanted that gas in the first place.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing longer than the pipeline construction timeline is the list of complaints from residents about it? Talk about a win-win!.
• Headline: High Tribunal Reverses Batista Fliers' Acquittal. Impact: The reversal of the Batista fliers' acquittal led to a surge in anti-government sentiment, ultimately inspiring a wave of revolutionary literature that would make every college student feel something, even if it was just confusion.. Fact: Did you know that airmen getting prison sentences sounds like the plot of an action movie? Spoiler alert: it doesn't end well..
• Headline: KHRUSHCHEV VOWS TO KEEP RED RULE IN EAST GERMANY; Opposes Unifying Country Under Capitalism--Urges 'Sense' on West Berlin. Impact: Khrushchev's vow to maintain Red rule in East Germany solidified the divide between East and West, inadvertently leading to a whole slew of Cold War-themed parties where people dressed up in 'retro' Soviet gear. Vintage, indeed.. Fact: Did you know that 'sense' in Khrushchev's terms translates to 'we both know this is going nowhere, but let's keep pretending for the cameras?'.