JANUARY 29, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Eisenhower Urged to Appoint Cultural Center Trustees. Impact: This push for cultural trustees oddly led to an increase in hipster art galleries that only accept payment in organic kale and artisanal coffee, proving that culture can also be a financial black hole.. Fact: Senator Fulbright's letter was so long that it was rumored to be a serialized novel about his life, but no one wanted to read it..
• Headline: ROCKEFELLER ASKS SPEED IN SOLVING COMMUTER CRISIS; Talks to 2,000 at G. O. P. Dinner Here -- Keating Cites Him in '60 Race ROCKEFELLER ASKS COMMUTER'S HELP. Impact: Rockefeller's plea for commuter help led to the invention of the commuter sandwich, which consists of two slices of regret and the filling of exhaustion - a staple for many today.. Fact: In 1960, 'commuter crisis' was just code for 'I forgot to leave the house early enough to beat traffic.'.
• Headline: FAST MOBILE TEAMS URGED AT ATOM TALK. Impact: The proposal for mobile inspection teams somehow evolved into a reality series where teams inspect everything from nuclear facilities to questionable hotdog stands, proving that TV will exploit anything.. Fact: Did you know that these mobile teams were once confused with the ice cream truck, leading to a very awkward situation at a nuclear site?.
• Headline: Foreign Service Academy. Impact: The establishment of the Foreign Service Academy eventually led to an influx of diplomats who could negotiate their way out of anything, except for their own student loans.. Fact: The first graduating class was so good at diplomacy that they negotiated their way out of taking final exams..
• Headline: Text of Eisenhower's Message on Labor. Impact: Eisenhower's message on labor inspired an entire genre of labor-themed motivational posters, which now line the walls of offices where nobody actually works. Thanks, Ike!. Fact: Ironically, Eisenhower’s labor message was printed on recycled paper, which is the only thing that ever got recycled in Congress..
• Headline: Eerie' Clouds in Stratosphere Seen as Possible Earth Debris. Impact: The eerie clouds sparked conspiracy theories about aliens using Earth as a dustbin, leading to countless sci-fi movies where humans fight off intergalactic trash collectors.. Fact: The 'eerie clouds' were later proven to be just a really bad day for the atmosphere, but hey, at least it got people talking!.